This text is part of:
Search the Perseus Catalog for:
Enter SIMO, from his house.
SIMO
to himself . I've not enjoyed myself better at home this year than I have to-day, nor has at any time any meal pleased me better. My wife provided a very nice breakfast for me; now she bids me go take a nap. By no means! It instantly struck me that it didn't so happen by chance. She provided a better breakfast than is her wont; and then, the old lady wanted to draw me away to my chamber. Sleep is not good1 after breakfast--out upon it! I secretly stole away from the house, out of doors. My wife, I'm sure, is now quite bursting with rage at home. TRANIO
apart . A sore mischance is provided for this old fellow by the evening; for he must both dine and go to bed in-doors in sorry fashion. SIMO
continuing . The more I reflect upon it in my mind: if any person has a dowried wife, sleep has no charms for him. I detest going to take a nap. It's a settled matter with me to be off to the Forum from here, rather than nap it at home. And, i' faith to the AUDIENCE , I don't know how your wives are in their behaviour; this wife of mine, I know right well how badly she treats me, and that she will prove more annoying to me hereafter than she has been. TRANIO
apart . If your escape, old gentleman, turns out amiss, there'll be no reason for you to be accusing any one of the Gods; by very good right, you may justly lay the blame upon yourself. It's time now for me to accost this old fellow. 'Tis down upon him2. I've hit upon a plan whereby to cajole the old fellow, by means of which to drive grief3 away from me. I'll accost him. Accosting him. May the Gods, Simo, send on you many blessings! Takes him by the hand. SIMO
Save you, Tranio! TRANIO
How fare you? SIMO
Not amiss. What are you about? TRANIO
Holding by the hand a very worthy man. SIMO
You act in a friendly way, in speaking well of me. TRANIO
It certainly is your due. SIMO
But, i' faith, in you I don't hold a good servant by the hand. THEUROPIDES
calling from a distance, where he is not perceived by SIMO . Hark you! you whip-knave, come back to me. TRANIO
turning round . I'll be there just now. SIMO
Well now, how soon----? TRANIO
What is it? SIMO
The usual goings-on. TRANIO
Tell me then, these usual goings-on, what are they? SIMO
The way that you yourselves proceed. But, Tranio, to say the truth, according as men are, it so befits you to humour them; reflecting, at the same time, how short life is. TRANIO
What of all this? Dear me, at last, after some difficulty, I perceive that you are talking about these goings-on of ours. SIMO
I' faith, you people are living a merry life, just as befits you: on wine, good cheer, nice dainty fish, you enjoy life. TRANIO
Why yes, so it was in time past, indeed; but now these things have come to an end all at once. SIMO
How so? TRANIO
So utterly, Simo, are we all undone! SIMO
Won't you hold your tongue? Everything has gone on prosperously with you hitherto. TRANIO
I don't deny that it has been as you say; undoubtedly, we have lived heartily, just as we pleased; but, Simo, in such a way has the breeze now forsaken our ship---- SIMO
What's the matter? In what way? TRANIO
In a most shocking way. SIMO
What, wasn't it hauled ashore4in safety? TRANIO
Ah me! SIMO
What's the matter? TRANIO
Ah wretched me! I'm utterly undone! SIMO
How so? TRANIO
Because a ship has come, to smash the hull of our ship. SIMO
I would wish as you would wish, Tranio, for your own sake. But what is the matter? Do inform me. TRANIO
I will inform you. My master has arrived from abroad. SIMO
In that case, the cord will be stretched for you; thence to the place where iron fetters clink; after that, straight to the cross. TRANIO
Now, by your knees, I do implore you, don't give information to my master. SIMO
Don't you fear; he shall know nothing from me. TRANIO
Blessings on you, my patron. SIMO
I don't care for clients of this description for myself. TRANIO
Now as to this about which our old gentleman has sent me. SIMO
First answer me this that I ask you. As yet, has your old gentleman discovered anything of these matters? TRANIO
Nothing whatever. SIMO
Has he censured his son at all? TRANIO
He is as calm as the calm weather is wont to be. Now he has requested me most earnestly to beg this of you, that leave may be given him to see over this house of yours. SIMO
It's not for sale. TRANIO
I know that indeed; but the old gentleman wishes to build a woman's apartment5 here in his own house, baths, too, and a piazza, and a porch. SIMO
What has he been dreaming of? TRANIO
I'll tell you. He wishes to give his son a wife as soon as he can; for that purpose he wants a new apartment for the women. But he says that some builder, I don't know who, has been praising up to him this house of yours, as being remarkably well built; now he's desirous to take a model from it, if you don't make any objection---- SIMO
Indeed, he is really choosing a plan for himself from a piece of poor workmanship. TRANIO
It was because he heard that here the summer heat was much modified; that this house was wont to be inhabited each day all day long. SIMO
Why really, upon my faith, on the contrary, while there's shade in every direction, in spite of it, the sun is always here from morning till night: he stands, like a dun, continually at the door; and I have no shade anywhere, unless, perhaps, there may be some in the well. TRANIO
Well now, have you one from Sarsina, if you have no woman of Umbria6? SIMO
Don't be impertinent. It is just as I tell you. TRANIO
Still, he wishes to look over it. SIMO
He may look over it, if he likes. If there is anything that takes his fancy, let him build after my plan. TRANIO
Am I to go and call this person hither? SIMO
Go and call him. TRANIO
(to himself, as he goes to the other side of the stage to call THEUROPIDES). They say that Alexander the Great and Agathocles7 achieved two very great exploits; what shall be the lot of myself, a third, who, unaided, am achieving deeds imperishable? This old fellow is carrying his pack-saddle, the other one, as well. I've hit upon a novel trade for myself, not a bad one; whereas muleteers have mules to carry pack-saddles; I've got men to carry the pack-saddles. They are able to carry heavy burdens; whatever you put upon them, they carry. Now, I don't know whether I am to address him. I'll accost him, however. Calling aloud. Hark you, Theuropides! THEUROPIDES
coming forward . Well; who's calling me? TRANIO
A servant most attached to his master. Where you sent me, I got it all agreed to. THEUROPIDES
Prithee, why did you stay there so long? TRANIO
The old gentleman hadn't leisure; I was waiting until then. THEUROPIDES
You keep up that old way of yours, of being tardy. TRANIO
Hark you! if you please reflect upon this proverb: to blow and swallow8 at the same moment isn't easy to be done; I couldn't be here and there at the same time. THEUROPIDES
What now? TRANIO
Come and look, and inspect it at your own pleasure. THEUROPIDES
Very well, you go before me. TRANIO
Am I delaying to do so? THEUROPIDES
I'll follow after you. TRANIO
as they advance . Look, the old gentleman himself is awaiting you before the door, but he is concerned that he has sold this house. THEUROPIDES
Why so? TRANIO
He begs me to persuade Philolaches to let him off. THEUROPIDES
I don't think he will. Each man reaps on his own farm9. If it had been bought dear, we shouldn't have had permission to return it on his hands. Whatever profit there is, it's proper to bring it home. It don't, now-a-days, befit men to be showing compassion. TRANIO
I' faith, you are losing time while you are talking. Follow me. THEUROPIDES
Be it so. TRANIO
to THEUROPIDES . I'll give you my services. Pointing. There's the old gentleman. To SIMO. Well now, I've brought you this person. SIMO
I'm glad that you've arrived safely from abroad, Theuropides. THEUROPIDES
May the Gods bless you. SIMO
Your servant was telling me that you were desirous to look over this house. THEUROPIDES
Unless it's inconvenient to you. SIMO
Oh no; quite convenient. Do step in-doors and look over it. THEUROPIDES
pausing . But yet--the ladies---- SIMO
Take you care not to trouble yourself a straw about any lady. Walk in every direction, wherever you like, all over the house just as though it were your own. THEUROPIDES
apart to TRANIO . "Just as though----?" TRANIO
whispering . Oh, take care that you don't throw it in his teeth now in his concern, that you have bought it. Don't you see him, how sad a countenance the old gentleman has? THEUROPIDES
apart . I see. TRA. apart . Then don't seem to exult, and to be overmuch delighted; in fact, don't make mention that you've bought it. THEUROPIDES
apart . I understand; and I think you've given good advice, and that it shows a humane disposition. Turning to SIMO. What now? SIMO
Won't you go in? Look over it at your leisure, just as you like. THEUROPIDES
I consider that you are acting civilly and kindly. SIMO
Troth, I wish to do so. Should you like some one to show you over. THEUROPIDES
Away with any one to show10 me over. I don't want him. SIMO
Why? What's the matter? THEUROPIDES
I'll go wrong, rather than any one should show me over. TRANIO
pointing . Don't you see, this vestibule before the house, and the piazza, of what a compass it is? THEUROPIDES
Troth, really handsome! TRANIO
Well, look now. what pillars there are, with what strength they are built, and of what a thickness. THEUROPIDES
I don't think that I ever saw handsomer pillars. SIMO
I' faith, they were some time since bought by me at such a price! TRANIO
aside, whispering . Don't you hear--"They were once"? He seems hardly able to refrain from tears. THEUROPIDES
At what price did you purchase them? SIMO
I gave three minæ for the two, besides the carriage, He retires to some distance. THEUROPIDES
after looking close at them, to TRANIO . Why, upon my word, they are much more unsound than I thought them at first. TRANIO
Why so? THEUROPIDES
Because, i' faith, the woodworm has split them both from the bottom. TRANIO
I think they were cut at an improper season; that fault damages them; but even as it is, they are quite good enough, if they are covered with pitch. But it was no foreign pulse-eating artisan11 did this work. Don't you see the joints in the door? Pointing. THEUROPIDES
I see them. TRANIO
Look, how close together they are sleeping. THEUROPIDES
Sleeping? TRANIO
That is, how they wink, I intended to say. Are you satisfied? THEUROPIDES
The more I look at each particular, the more it pleases me. TRANIO
pointing . Don't you see the painting, where one crow12 is baffling two vultures? The crow stands there; it's pecking at them both in turn. This way, look, prithee, towards me13, that yon may be able to see the crow. THEUROPIDES turns towards him. Now do you see it? THEUROPIDES
looking about . For my part, I really see no crow there. TRANIO
But do you look in that direction, towards yourselves, since you cannot discover the crow, if perchance you may be able to espy the vultures. THEUROPIDES turns towards SIMO. Now do you see them? THEUROPIDES
Upon my faith, I don't see them. TRANIO
But I can see two vultures. THEUROPIDES
To make an end of it with you, I don't see any bird at all painted here. TRANIO
Well then, I give it up. I excuse you; it is through age you cannot see. THEUROPIDES
These things which I can see, really they do all please me mightily. SIMO
coming forward . Now, at length, it's worth your while to move further on. THEU. Troth, you give good advice. SIMO
calling at the door . Ho there, boy! take this person round this house and the apartments. But I myself would have shown you round, if I hadn't had business at the Forum. THEUROPIDES
Away with any one to show me over. I don't want to be shown over. Whatever it is, I'd rather go wrong than any one should show me over. SIMO
The house I'm speaking of. THEUROPIDES
Then I'll go in without any one to show me over. SIMO
Go, by all means. THEUROPIDES
I'll go in-doors, then. TRANIO
holding him back . Stop, please; let me see whether the dog---- THEUROPIDES
Very well then, look. TRANIO looks into the passage. TRANIO
There is one. THEUROPIDES
looking in . Where is it? TRANIO
to the dog . Be off and be hanged! 'St, won't you be off to utter perdition with you? What, do you still linger? 'St, away with you from here! SIMO
coming nearer to the door . There's no danger. You only move on. It's as gentle14 as a woman in childbed. You may boldly step in-doors wherever you like. I'm going hence to the Forum. THEUROPIDES
You've acted obligingly. Good speed to you. Exit SIMO. Tranio, come, make that dog move away from the door inside, although it isn't to be feared. TRANIO
Nay but pointing , you look at it, how gently it lies. Unless you'd like yourself to appear troublesome and cowardly---- THEUROPIDES
Very well, just as you like. TRANIO
Follow me this way then. THEUROPIDES
For my part, I shall not move in any direction from your feet. They go into the house.
1 Sleep is not good: It was a custom with the Romans to take a nap at noon, after the "prandium." The modern Italians have the same practice, and call it the "siesta." Simo has his private reasons for thinking that this nap is not wholesome in his own case.
2 Down upon him: "Hoc habet." Literally, "he has it;" a term used by the Spectators, when a gladiator received a wound at the gladiatorial games.
3 By means of which to drive grief: He plays upon the resemblance of the words "dolo" and "dolorem."
4 Wasn't it hauled ashore: It was the custom, when ships were not in use, especially in the winter time, to draw them up on shore, by means of rollers placed beneath them.
5 A woman's apartment: "Gynæceum." This was a name borrowed from the Greeks, for the apartments in the house which were especially devoted to the use of the females.
6 No woman of Umbria: This is a poor pun upon the different acceptations of the word "umbra," which may signify, according to the context, "shade," or "a woman of Umbria." Simo means it in the former, while Tranio chooses to take it in the latter sense. Simo does not like this attempt at wit, and tells him not to be impertinent. We may here observe, that Plautus was born at Sarsina, a town of Umbria.
7 Agathocles: Agathocles rose from the station of a potter to be king of Sicily.
8 To blow and swallow: Or "exhale and inhale." A proverbial expression, very similar to that in use with us, that "a person cannot blow hot and cold at the same time."
9 Reaps on his own farm: A country proverb, meaning "every one for himself."
10 Away with any one to show: He says this, not liking the mention of the word "perductor," which, beside meaning an "attendant" or "one to escort," signifies a "pander" or "procurer." So in the next line, "perducto" means "to show over" or "to act the procurer"
11 Foreign pulse-eating artisan: From the use of the word "pultiphagus," he probably alludes to Carthaginian workmen, who were very skilful at working in wood. In the Pœnulus, Hanno the Carthaginian is called "patruus pultiphagonides," "the pulse-eating kinsman." If this is the meaning, it is pretty clear that he is not speaking in praise of the workmanship. Some, however, ever, think that as, in early times, the lower classes at Rome lived upon "puls," "pap" or "pottage," the Scene being at Athens, Roman workmen are alluded to; if so, he may mean to speak in praise of the work, and to say that no bungling artists made the doors. See the Note in p. 355. The joints are said to wink, from the close conjunction of the eyelids in the act of winking.
12 Where one crow: By the "crow," he means himself; and by the "vultures," the two old men. Simo is probably standing at some distance off; and knowing that his master's sight is not good, he feels that he may deride him with impunity.
13 Towards me: "Ad me." Theuropides thinks he means, "in my direction;" whereas Tranio really means, "look 'at me' and you will see the crow;" though he does not intend that his master shall take it in that sense.
14 It's as gentle: This, probably, is intended to refer to the statue of a dog lying down in the vestibule, and not a real one. Pictures of dogs, with "cave canem" written beneath, were sometimes painted on the wall near the door.
The Comedies of Plautus. Henry Thomas Riley. London. G. Bell and Sons. 1912.
NSF, NEH: Digital Libraries Initiative, Phase 2 provided support for entering this text.
This text was converted to electronic form by professional data entry and has been proofread to a medium level of accuracy.
This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 United States License.
An XML version of this text is available for download, with the additional restriction that you offer Perseus any modifications you make. Perseus provides credit for all accepted changes, storing new additions in a versioning system.