One of Horace's slaves, making use of that freedom which was allowed them at the
Saturnalia,1 rates his master in a droll and severe manner.
I HAVE a long while been attending [to you], and would fain speak a few words [in return;
but, being] a slave, I am afraid. "What, Davus?" Yes, Davus, a faithful servant to his
master
2 and an honest one, at least sufficiently so: that is, for you to think his life in no
danger. "Well (since our ancestors would have it so), use the freedom of December: speak on."
One part of mankind are fond of their vices with some con. stancy and adhere to their
purpose: a considerable part fluctuates; one while embracing the right, another while liable
to depravity. Priscus, frequently observed with three rings, sometimes with his left hand
bare,
3 lived so irregularly that he would change his robe every hour; from a magnificent
edifice, he would on a sudden hide himself in a place, whence a decent freedman could scarcely
come out in a decent manner; one while he would choose to lead the life of a rake at
Rome, another while that of a teacher at
Athens; born under the evil influence of every
Vertumnus.
4 That buffoon, Volanerius, when the deserved gout had crippled his fingers, maintained
[a fellow] that he had hired at a daily price, who took up the dice and put them into a box
for him: yet by how much more constant was he in his vice, by so much less wretched was he
than the former person, who is now in difficulties by too loose, now by too tight a rein.
"Will you not tell to-day, you varlet, whither such wretched stuff as this tends?" "Why, to
you, I say." "In what respect to me, scoundrel?"
You praise the happiness and manners of the ancient [Roman] people; and yet, if any god were
on a sudden to reduce you to them, you, the same man, would earnestly beg to be excused;
either because you are not really of opinion that what you bawl about is right; or because you
are irresolute in defending the right, and hesitate, in vain desirous to extract your foot
from the mire. At
Rome, you long for the country;
when you are in the country, fickle, you extol the absent city to the skies. If haply you are
invited out nowhere to supper, you praise your quiet dish of vegetables; and as if you ever go
abroad upon conpulsion, you think yourself so happy, and do so hug yourself, that you are
obliged to drink out nowhere. Should Maecenas lay his commands on you to come late, at the
first lighting up of the lamps, as his guest; ‘Will nobody bring the oil with more
expedition? Does any body hear?’ You stutter with a mighty bellowing, and storm with
rage. Milvius, and the buffoons [who expected to sup with you], depart, after having uttered
curses not proper to be repeated. Any one may say, for I own [the truth], that I am easy to be
seduced by my appetite; I snuff up my nose at a savory smell: I am weak, lazy; and, if you
have a mind to add any thing else, I am a sot. But seeing you are as I am, and perhaps
something worse, why do you willfully call me to an. account, as if you were the better man;
and, with specious phrases, disguise your own vice? What, if you are found out to be a greater
fool than me, who was purchased for five hundred drachmas? Forbear to terrify me with your
looks; restrain your hand and your anger, while I relate to you what Crispinus' porter taught
me.
Another man's wife captivates you; a harlot, Davus: which of us sins more deservingly of the
cross? When keen nature inflames me, any common wench that picks me up, dismisses me neither
dishonored, nor caring whether a richer or a handsomer man enjoys her next. You, when you have
cast off your ensigns of dignity, your equestrian ring and your Roman habit, turn out from a
magistrate a wretched
Dama,
5 hiding with a cape your perfumed head: are you not really what you personate? You are
introduced, apprehensive [of consequences]; and, as you are altercating with your passions,
your bones shake with fear. What is the difference whether you go condemned [like a
gladiator], to be galled with scourges,
6 or slain with the sword; or be closed up in a filthy chest, where [the maid],
conscious of her mistress' crime, has stowed you? Has not the husband of the offending dame a
just power over both; against the seducer even a juster? But she neither changes her dress,
nor place, nor sins to that excess [which you do]; since the woman is in dread of you, nor
gives any credit to you, though you profess to love her. You must go under the yoke knowingly,
and put all your fortune, your life, and reputation, together with your limbs, into the power
of an enraged husband. Have you escaped? I suppose, then, you will be afraid [for the future];
and, being warned, will be cautious. No, you will seek occasion when you may be again in
terror, and again may be likely to perish. 0 so often a slave! What beast, when it has once
escaped by breaking its toils, absurdly trusts itself to them again? You say, "I am no
adulterer." Nor, by Hercules, am I a thief, when I wisely pass by the silver vases. Take away
the danger, and vagrant nature will spring forth, when restraints are removed. Are you my
superior, subjected as you are, to the dominion of so many things and persons,, whom the
prsetor's rod,
7 though placed on your head three or four times over, can never free from this wretched
solicitude? Add, to what has been said above, a thing of no less weight; whether he be an
underling,
8 who obeys the master-slave (as it is your custom to affirm), or only a fellow slave,
what am I in respect of you? You, for example, who have the command of me, are in subjection
to other things, and are led about, like a puppet movable by means of wires not its own.
Who then is free? The wise man, who has dominion over himself; whom neither poverty, nor
death, nor chains affright; brave in the checking of his appetites, and in contemning honors;
and, perfect in himself, polished and round as a globe,
9 so that nothing from without can retard, in consequence of its smoothness; against
whom misfortune ever advances ineffectually. Can you, out of these, recognize any thing
applicable to yourself? A woman demands five talents of you, plagues you, and after you are
turned out of doors, bedews you with cold water: she calls you again. Rescue your neck from
this vile yoke; come, say, I am free, I am free. You are not able: for an implacable master
oppresses your mind, and claps the sharp spurs to your jaded appetite, and forces you on
though reluctant. When you, mad one, quite languish at a picture by Pausias;
10 how are you less to blame than I, when I admire the combats of Fulvius and Rutuba and
Placideianus, with their bended knees, painted in crayons
11 or charcoal, as if the men were actually engaged, and push and parry, moving heir
weapons? Davus is a scoundrel and a loiterer; but you have the character of an exquisite and
expert connoisseur in antiquities. If I am allured by a smoking pasty, I am a good-for-nothing
fellow: does your great virtue and soul resist delicate entertainments? Why is a tenderness
for my belly too destructive for me? For my back pays for it. How do you come off with more
impunity, since you hanker after such dainties as can not be had for a little expense? Then
those delicacies, perpetually taken, pall upon the stomach; and your mistaken feet refuse to
support your sickly body. Is that boy guilty, who by night pawns a stolen scraper for some
grapes? Has he nothing servile about him, who in indulgence to his guts sells his estates? Add
to this, that you yourself can not be an hour by yourself, nor dispose of your leisure in a
right manner; and shun yourself as a fugitive and vagabond, one while endeavoring with wine,
another while with sleep, to cheat care-in vain: for the gloomy companion presses upon you,
and pursues you in your flight. "Where can I get a stone?" "What occasion is there for it?"
"Where some darts?" "The man is either mad, or making verses." "If you do not take yourself
away in an instant, you shall go [and make] a ninth laborer
12 at my
Sabine estate."
