SCENE IThe same.
Enter HOLOFERNES, SIR NATHANIEL, and DULL.
Satis quod sufficit.
I praise God for you, sir: your reasons
at dinner have been sharp and sententious:
pleasant without scurrility, witty, with-
out affection, audacious without impudency,
learned without opinion, and strange without
heresy. I did converse this quondam day with
a companion of the king's, who is intituled, (9)
nominated or called, Don Adriano de Armado.
Novi hominem tanquam te: his
humor is lofty, his discourse peremptory, his
tongue filed, his eye ambitious, his gait majestical,
and his general behavior vain, ridiculous,
and thrasonical. He is too picked, too
spruce, too affected, too odd, as it were, too
peregrinate, as I may call it.
A most singular and choice epithet. Draws out his table-book.
He draweth out the thread of his verbosity
finer than the staple of his argument. I
abhor such fanatical phantasimes, such insociable
and point-devise companions; such
rackers of orthography, as to speak dout, fine,
when he should say doubt; det, when he should
pronounce debt,--d, e, b, t, not d, e, t: he
clepeth a calf, cauf; half, hauf; neighbor vocatur
nebour; neigh abbreviated ne. This is
abhominable,--which he would call abbominable:
it insinuateth me of insanie: anne intelligis,
domine? to make frantic, lunatic. (30)
Laus Deo, bene intelligo.
Bon, bon, fort bon! Priscian a little
scratched, 'twill serve.
Videsne quis venit?
Video, et gaudeo. Enter ARMADO, MOTH, and COSTARD.
Chirrah ! To Moth.
Quare chirrah, not sirrah?
Men of peace, well encountered.
Most military sir, salutation.
Aside to Costard
They have been
at a great feast of languages, and stolen the
O, they have lived long on the alms-
basket of words. I marvel thy master hath
not eaten thee for a word; for thou art not so
long by the head as honorificabilitudinitatibus:
thou art easier swallowed than a flap-
Peace! the peal begins.
Monsieur, are you not lettered?
Yes, yes;he teaches boys the hornbook.
What is a, b, spelt backward, with the (51)
horn on his head?
Ba, pueritia, with a horn added.
Ba, most silly sheep with a horn.
You hear his learning.
Quis, quis, thou consonant?
The third of the five vowels, if you
repeat them; or the fifth, if I.
I will repeat them,--a, e, i,--
The sheep: the other two concludes (60)
Now, by the salt wave of the Mediterraneum,
a sweet touch, a quick venue of
wit! snip, snap, quick and home! it rejoiceth
my intellect: true wit!
Offered by a child to an old man;
which is wit-old.
What is the figure? what is the figure?
Thou disputest like an infant; go, (70)
whip thy gig.
Lend me your horn to make one,
and I will whip about your infamy circum
circa,--a gig of a cuckold's horn.
An I had but one penny in the
world,thou shouldst have it to buy gingerbread:
hold, there is the very remuneration I
had of thy master, thou halfpenny purse of
wit, thou pigeon-egg of discretion. O, an the
heavens were so pleased that thou wert but
my bastard, what a joyful father wouldst thou
make me! Go to; thou hast it ad dunghill, at
the fingers' ends, as they say.
O, I smell false Latin; dunghill for unguem.
Arts-man, preambulate, we will be
singuled from the barbarous. Do you not
educate youth at the charge-house on the top
of the mountain?
Or mons, the hill.
At your sweet pleasure, for the
I do, sans question.
Sir, it is the king's most sweet pleasure
and affection to congratulate the princess
at her pavilion in the posteriors of this day,
which the rude multitude call the afternoon.
The posterior of the day, most generous
sir, is liable, congruent and measurable
for the afternoon: the word is well culled,
chose, sweet and apt, I do assure you, sir, I
Sir, the king is a noble gentleman,
and my familiar, I do assure ye, very good
friend: for what is inward between us, let it
pass. I do beseech thee, remember thy courtesy;
I beseech thee, apparel thy head: and
among other important and most serious designs,
and of great import indeed, too, but let
that pass: for I must tell thee, it will please
his grace, by the world, sometime to lean upon
my poor shoulder, and with his royal finger,
thus, dally with my excrement, with my mustachio;
but, sweet heart, let that pass. By the
world, I recount no fable: some certain special
honors it pleaseth his greatness to impart
to Armado, a soldier, a man of travel,
that hath seen the world; but let that pass.
The very all of all is,--but, sweet heart, I do
implore secrecy,--that the king would have
me present the princess, sweet chuck, with
some delightful ostentation, or show, or pageant,
or antique, or firework. Now, understanding
that the curate and your sweet self
are good at such eruptions and sudden breaking
out of mirth, as it were, I have acquainted
you withal, to the end to crave your assistance.
Sir, you shall present before her the
Nine Worthies. Sir, as concerning some entertainment
of time, some show in the posterior
of this day, to be rendered by our assistants,
at the king's command, and this most gallant,
illustrate, and learned gentleman, before the
princess; I say none so fit as to present the (130)
Where will you find men worthy
enough to present them?
Joshua, yourself; myself and this gallant
gentleman, Judas Maccabaeus; this swain,
because of his great limb or joint, shall pass
Pompey the Great; the page, Hercules,--
Pardon, sir ; error: he is not quantity
enough for that Worthy's thumb: he is (139)
not so big as the end of his club.
Shall I have audience? he shall present
Hercules in minority: his enter and exit
shall be strangling a snake; and I will have
an apology for that purpose.
An excellent device! so, if any of
the audience hiss, you may cry 'Well done,
Hercules! now thou crushest the snake!' that
is the way to make an offence gracious, though
few have the grace to do it.
For the rest of the Worthies?-- (150)
I will play three myself.
Shall I tell you a thing?
We will have, if this fadge not, an
antique. I beseech you, follow.
Via, goodman Dull! thou hast
spoken no word all this while.
Nor understood none neither, sir.
Allons! we will employ thee. (160)
I'll make one in a dance, or so; or I will play
On the tabor to the Worthies, and let them dance the hay.
Most dull, honest Dull! To our sport away! Exeunt.