SCENE IWindsor. Before PAGE'S house.
Enter JUSTICE SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS.
Sir Hugh, persuade me not; I will
make a Star-chamber matter of it: if he were
twenty Sir John Falstaffs, he shall not abuse
Robert Shallow, esquire.
In the county of Gloucester, justice
of peace and 'Coram.'
Ay, cousin Slender, and 'Custalorum.'
Ay, and 'Rato-lorum' too; and a
gentleman born, master parson; who writes
himself 'Armigero,' in any bill, warrant, quittance, (11)
or obligation, 'Armigero.'
Ay, that I do; and have done any
time these three hundred years.
All his successors gone before him
hath done't; and all his ancestors that come
after him may: they may give the dozen white
luces in their coat.
It is an old coat.
The dozen white louses do become
an old coat well; it agrees well, passant; it is (21)
a familiar beast to man, and signifies love.
The luce is the fresh fish; the salt
fish is an old coat.
I may quarter, coz.
You may, by marrying.
It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.
Not a whit.
Yes, py'r lady; if he has a quarter
of your coat, there is but three skirts for yourself,
in my simple conjectures: but that is all
one. If Sir John Falstaff have committed disparagements
unto you, I am of the church,
and will be glad to do my benevolence to make
atonements and compremises between you.
The council shall hear it; it is a riot.
It is not meet the council hear a
riot; there is no fear of Got in a riot: the
council, look you, shall desire to hear the fear
of Got, and not to hear a riot; take your vizaments
Ha! o' my life, if I were young again, (41)
the sword should end it.
It is petter that friends is the sword,
and end it: and there is also another device
in my prain, which peradventure prings goot
discretions with it: there is Anne Page, which
is daughter to Master Thomas Page, which is
Mistress Anne Page? She has brown
hair, and speaks small like a woman.
It is that fery person for all the
orld, as just as you will desire; and seven hundred
pounds of moneys, and gold and silver,
is her grandsire upon his death's-bed --Got
deliver to a joyful resurrections!--give, when
she is able to overtake seventeen years old:
it were a goot motion if we leave our pribbles
and prabbles, and desire a marriage between
Master Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.
Did her grandsire leave her seven (60)
Ay, and her father is make her a
I know the young gentlewoman; she
has good gifts.
Seven hundred pounds and possibilities
is goot gifts.
Well, let us see honest Master Page.
Is Falstaff there?
Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise
a liar as I do depise one that is false, or as I
despise one that is not true. The knight, Sir
John, is there; and, I beseech you, be ruled by
your well-willers. I will peat the door for Master
What, hoa! Got pless your
[Within] Who's there!
Here is Got's plessing, and your
friend, and Justice Shallow; and here young
Master Slender, that peradventures shall tell
you another tale, if matters grow to your
I am glad to see your worships well.
I thank you for my venison, Master Shallow.
Master Page, I am glad to see you:
much good do it your good heart! I wished
your venison better; it was ill killed. How doth
good Mistress Page?--and I thank you always
with my heart, la! with my heart.
Sir, I thank you.
Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.
I am glad to see you, good Master (90)
How does your fallow greyhound,
sir? I heard say he was outrun on Cotsall.
It could not be judged, sir.
You'll not confess, you'll not confess.
That he will not. 'Tis your fault, 'tis
your fault; 'tis a good dog.
A cur, sir.
Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog:
can there be more said? he is good and fair. (100)
Is Sir John Falstaff here?
Sir, he is within; and I would I
could do a good office between you.
It is spoke as a Christians ought to
He hath wronged me, Master Page.
Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.
If it be confessed, it is not redressed:
is not that so, Master Page? He hath wronged
me; indeed he hath; at a word, he hath, believe
me: Robert Shallow, esquire, saith, he is (110)
Here comes Sir John.
Enter SIR JOHN FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, NYM and PISTOL.
Now, Master Shallow, you'll complain
of me to the king?
Knight, you have beaten my men,
killed my deer, and broke open my lodge.
But not kissed your keeper's daughter?
Tut, a pin! this shall be answered.
I will answer it straight, I have done all this.
That is now answered. (120)
The council shall know this.
'Twere better for you if it were known
in counsel: you'll be laughed at.
Pauca verba, Sir John; goot worts.
Good worts! good cabbage. Slender,
I broke your head: what matter have you
Marry, sir, I have matter in my head
against you; and against your cony-catching
rascals, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol. (130)
You Banbury cheese!
Ay, it is no matter.
How now, Mephostophilus!
Ay, it is no matter.
Slice, I say! pauca, pauca: slice!
that's my humor.
Where's Simple, my man? Can you
Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand.
There is three umpires in this matter,
as I understand; that is, Master Page,
fidelicet Master Page; and there is myself,
fidelicet myself; and the three party is, lastly
and finally, mine host of the Garter.
We three, to hear it and end it between
Fery goot: I will make a prief of
it in my note-book; and we will afterwards ork
upon the cause with as great discreetly as we
He hears with ears.
The tevil and his tam! what phrase
is this, 'He hears with ear'? why, it is
Pistol, did you pick Master Slender's
Ay, by these gloves, did he, or I
would I might never come in mine own great
chamber again else, of seven groats in
mill-sixpences, and two Edward shovel-boards, that
cost me two shilling and two pence a-piece of
Yead Miller, by these gloves.
Is this true, Pistol?
No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse.
Ha, thou mountain-foreigner! Sir John and master mine,
I combat challenge of this latten bilbo.
Word of denial in thy labras here!
Word of denial; froth and scum, thou liest!
By these gloves, then, 'twas he.
Be avised, sir, and pass good humors:
I will say 'marry trap' with you, if you
run the nuthook's humour on me; that is the
very note of it.
By this hat, then, he in the red face
had it; for though I cannot remember what I
did when you made me drunk, yet I am not
altogether an ass.
What say you, Scarlet and John?
Why, sir, for my part, I say the gentleman
had drunk himself out of his five (180)
It is his five senses: fie, what the
And being fap, sir, was, as they say,
cashiered; and so conclusions passed the
Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but
'tis no matter: I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live
again, but in honest, civil, godly company, for
this trick: if I be drunk, I'll be drunk with
those that have the fear of God, and not with (190)
So Got udge me, that is a virtuous
You hear all these matters denied,
gentlemen; you hear it.
Enter ANNE PACE, with wine; MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE, following.
Nay, daughter, carry the wine in;
we'll drink within.
[Exit Anne Page.
O heaven! this is Mistress Anne Page.
How now, Mistress Ford!
Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are (200)
very well met: by your leave, good mistress.
Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome:
Come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner:
come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down
[Exeunt all except Shal., Slen., and Evans.
I had rather than forty shillings I had
my Book of Songs and Sonnets here.
How now, Simple! where have you been? I
must wait on myself, must I? You have not
the Book of Riddles about you, have you?
Book of Riddles! why, did you not
lend it to Alice Shortcake upon All-hallowmas
last, a fortnight afore Michaelmas?
Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for
you. A word with you, coz; marry, this, coz:
there is, as 'twere, a tender, a kind of tender,
made afar off by Sir Hugh here. Do you
Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable;
if it be so, I shall do that is reason.
Nay, but understand me. (220)
So I do, sir.
Give ear to his motions, Master
Slender: I will description the matter to you,
if you be capacity of it.
Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow
says: I pray you, pardon me; he's a justice of
peace in his country, simple though I stand
But that is not the question: the
question is concerning your marriage.
Ay, there's the point, sir.
Marry, is it; the very point of it; (231)
to Mistress Anne Page.
Why, if it be so, I will marry her
upon any reasonable demands.
But can you affection the 'oman?
Let us command to know that of your mouth
or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold
that the lips is parcel of the mouth. Therefore,
precisely, can you carry your good will to the
Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?
I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become
one that would do reason.
Nay, Got's lords and his ladies! you
must speak possitable, if you can carry her
your desires towards her.
That you must. Will you, upon good
dowry, marry her?
I will do a greater thing than that,
upon your request, cousin, in any reason.
Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet
coz: what I do is to pleasure you, coz. Can
you love the maid?
I will marry her, sir, at your request:
but if there be no great love in the beginning,
yet heaven may decrease it upon better acquaintance,
when we are married and have
more occasion to know one another; I hope,
upon familiarity will grow more contempt:
but if you say, 'Marry her,' I will marry her; (260)
that I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.
It is a fery discretion answer; save
the fall is in the ort 'dissolutely:' the ort is,
according to our meaning, 'resolutely:' his
meaning is good.
Ay, I think my cousin meant well.
Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la!
Here comes fair Mistress Anne.
Re-enter ANNE PAGE.
Would I were young for your sake, Mistress Anne!
The dinner is on the table; my father (271)
desires your worships' company.
I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne.
Od's plessed will! I will not be
absence at the grace.
[Exeunt Shallow, and Evans.
Will 't please your worship to come
No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily;
I am very well. (279)
The dinner attends you, sir.
I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth.
Go, sirrah, for all you are my man, go
wait upon my cousin Shallow. [Exit Simple.]
A justice of peace sometime may be beholding
to his friend for a man. I keep but three
men and a boy yet, till my mother be dead:
but what though? yet I live like a poor
I may not go in without your worship:
they will not sit till you come.
I' faith, I'll eat nothing; I thank you (291)
as much as though I did.
I pray you, sir, walk in.
I had rather walk here, I thank you.
I bruised my shin th' other day with playing
at sword and dagger with a master of fence;
three veneys for a dish of stewed prunes; and,
by my troth, I cannot abide the smell of hot
meat since. Why do your dogs bark so? be
there bears i' the town?
I think there are, sir; I heard them (301)
I love the sport well; but I shall as
soon quarrel at it as any man in England.
You are afraid, if you see the bear loose, are
Ay, indeed, sir.
That's meat and drink to me, now.
I have seen Sackerson loose twenty times, and
have taken him by the chain; but, I warrant
you, the women have so cried and shrieked at
it, that it passed; but women, indeed, cannot
abide 'em; they are very ill-favoured rough
Come, gentle Master Slender, come;
we stay for you.
I'll eat nothing, I thank you, sir.
By cock and pie, you shall not
choose, sir! come, come.
Nay, pray you, lead the way.
Come on, sir.
Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first.
Not I, sir: pray you, keep on.
Truly, I will not go first; truly, la!
I will not do you that wrong.
I pray you, sir.
I'll rather be unmannerly than troublesome.
You do yourself wrong, indeed, la!
SCENE IIThe same.
Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE.
Go your ways, and ask of Doctor
Caius' house which is the way: and there
dwells one Mistress Quickly, which is in the
manner of his nurse, or his dry nurse, or his
cook, or his laundry, his washer, and his
Nay it is petter yet. Give her this
letter; for it is a 'oman that altogether's acquaintance
with Mistress Anne Page: and the
letter is, to desire and require her to solicit
your master's desires to Mistress Anne Page.
I pray you, be gone: I will make an end of
my dinner; there's pippins and cheese to come.
SCENE IIIA room in the Garter Inn.
Enter FALSTAFF, HOST, BARDOLPH, NYM, PISTOL, and ROBIN.
Mine host of the Garter!
What says my bully-rook? speak
scholarly and wisely.
Truly, mine host, I must turn away
some of my followers.
Discard, bully Hercules; cashier:
let them wag; trot, trot.
I sit at ten pounds a week.
Thou'rt an emperor, Caesar, Keisar,
and Pheezar. I will entertain Bardolph; he
shall draw, he shall tap: said I well, bully
Do so, good mine host.
I have spoke; let him follow.
[To Bard.] Let me see thee froth and lime: I am
at a word; follow.
Bardolph, follow him. A tapster is a
good trade: an old cloak makes a new jerkin;
a withered serving-man a fresh tapster. Go; (20)
It is a life that I have desired: I will
O base Hungarian wight! wilt thou
the spigot wield?
He was gotten in drink: is not the
I am glad I am so acquit of this tinderbox:
his thefts were too open; his filching
was like an unskilful singer; he kept not time.
The good humor is to steal at a (31)
'Convey,' the wise it call. 'Steal!'
foh! a fico for the phrase!
Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels.
Why, then, let kibes ensue.
There is no remedy; I must conycatch;
I must shift.
Young ravens must have food.
Which of you know Ford of this town?
I ken the wight: he is of substance (41)
My honest lads, I will tell you what I
Two yards, and more.
No quips now, Pistol! Indeed, I am
in the waist two yards about: but I am now
about no waste; I am about thrift. Briefly, I
do mean to make love to Ford's wife: I spy
entertainment in her; she discourses, she
carves, she gives the leer of invitation: I can
construe the action of her familiar style; and
the hardest voice of her behaviour, to be Englished
rightly, is, 'I am Sir John Falstaff's.'
He hath studied her will, and translated
her will, out of honesty into English.
The anchor is deep: will that
Now, the report goes she has all the
rule of her husband's purse: he hath a legion (60)
As many devils entertain; and 'To
her, boy,' say I.
The humor rises; it is good: humor
me the angels.
I have writ me here a letter to her:
and here another to Page's wife, who even now
gave me good eyes too, examined my parts
with most judicious oeillades; sometimes the
beam of her view gilded my foot, sometimes
my portly belly. (70)
Then did the sun on dunghill shine.
I thank thee for that humor.
O, she did so course o'er my exteriors
with such a greedy intention, that the appetite
of her eye did seem to scorch me up like a
burning-glass! Here's another letter to her:
she bears the purse too; she is a region in
Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will be cheater
to them both, and they shall be exchequers to
me; they shall be my East and West Indies,
and I will trade to them both. Go bear thou
this letter to Mistress Page; and thou this to
Mistress Ford: we will thrive, lads, we will
Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become,
And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer take all!
I will run no base humor: here,
take the humor-letter: I will keep the havior
Hold, sirrah, bear you these letters tightly;
Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores. (90)
Rogues, hence, avaunt! vanish like hailstones go:
Trudge, plod away o' the hoof; seek shelter, pack!
Falstaff will learn the humor of the age,
French thrift, you rogues; myself and skirted page.
[Exeunt Falstaff and Robin.
Let vultures gripe thy guts! for gourd and fullam holds,
And high and low beguiles the rich and poor:
Tester I'll have in pouch when thou shalt lack,
Base Phrygian Turk!
I have operations which be humours
of revenge. (100)
Wilt thou revenge?
By welkin and her star!
With wit or steel?
With both the humors, I:
I will discuss the humor of this love to Page.
And I to Ford shall eke unfold
How Falstaff varlet vile,
His dove will prove, his gold will hold,
And his soft couch defile.
My humor shall not cool: I will incense
Page to deal with poison; I will possess
him with yellowness, for the revolt of mine
is dangerous: that is my true humor.
Thou art the Mars of malecontents:
I second thee; troop on.
SCENE IVA room in DOCTOR CAIUS'S house.
Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY, SIMPLE, and RUGBY.
What, John Rugby! I pray thee,
go to the casement, and see if you can see my
master, Master Doctor Caius, coming. If he
do, i' faith, and find any body in the house,
here will be an old abusing of God's patience
and the king's English.
I'll go watch.
Go; and we'll have a posset for't
soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a
sea-coal fire. [Exit Rugby.] An honest, willing,
kind fellow, as ever servant shall come
in house withal, and, I warrant you, no tell-tale
nor no breed-bate: his worst fault is, that
he is given to prayer; he is something peevish
that way: but nobody but has his fault; but
let that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is?
Ay, for fault of a better.
And Master Slender's your master?
Does he not wear a great round (21)
beard, like a glover's paring-knife?
No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee
face, with a little yellow beard, a
A softly-sprighted man, is he not?
Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall a man
of his hands as any is between this and his
head; he hath fought with a warrener.
How say you? O, I should remember
him: does he not hold up his head, as it (31)
were, and shut in his gait?
Yes, indeed, does he.
Well, heaven send Anne Page no
worse fortune! Tell Master Parson Evans I
will do what I can for your master: Anne is
a good girl, and I wish--
Out, alas! here comes my master.
We shall all be shent. Run in here,
good young man; go into this closet: he will
not stay long. [Shuts Simple in the closet.]
What, John Rugby! John! what, John, I say!
Go, John, go inquire for my master; I doubt (43)
he be not well, that he comes not home.
[Singing] And down, down, adown-a, &c.
Enter DOCTOR CAIUS.
Vat is you sing? I do not like des
toys. Pray you, go and vetch me in my closet
un boitier vert, a box, a green-a box: do intend
vat I speak? a green-a box.
Ay, forsooth; I'll fetch it you.
[Aside] I am glad he went not in himself: if
he had found the young man, he would have (52)
Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait fort
chaud. Je m'en vais a la cour--la grande
Is it this, sir?
Oui; mette le au mon pocket: depeche,
quickly. Vere is dat knave Rugby?
What, John Rugby! John!
You are John Rugby, and you are
Jack Rugby. Come, take-a your rapier, and (62)
come after my heel to the court.
'Tis ready, sir, here in the porch.
By my trot, I tarry too long. Od's
me! Qu'ai-j'oublie! dere is some simples in
my closet, dat I vill not for the varld I shall
Ay me, he'll find the young man
there, and be mad!
O diable, diable! vat is in my
closet? Villain! larron! [Pulling Simple out.] (72)
Rugby, my rapier!
Good master, be content.
Wherefore shall I be content-a?
The young man is an honest man.
What shall de honest man do in my
closet? dere is no honest man dat shall come
in my closet.
I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic.
Hear the truth of it: he came of an errand to (81)
me from Parson Hugh.
Ay, forsooth; to desire her to--
Peace, I pray you.
Peace-a your tongue. Speak-a your
To desire this honest gentlewoman,
your maid, to speak a good word to Mistress
Anne Page for my master in the way of marriage.
This is all, indeed, la! but I'll ne'er (91)
put my finger in the fire, and need not.
Sir Hugh send-a you? Rugby, baille
me some paper. Tarry you a little-a while.
[Aside to Simple.] I am glad he is
so quiet: if he had been throughly moved,
you should have heard him so loud and so
melancholy. But notwithstanding, man, I'll do
you your master what good I can: and the
very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my
master,--I may call him my master, look you,
for I keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew,
bake, scour, dress meat and drink, make the
beds, and do all myself,--
[Aside to Quickly] 'Tis a great
charge to come under one body's hand.
[Aside to Simple] Are you avised
o' that? you shall find it a great charge: and
to be up early and down late; but notwithstanding,
--to tell you in your ear; I would
have no words of it,--my master himself is in
love with Mistress Anne Page: but notwithstanding
that, I know Anne's mind,--that's neither
here nor there.
You jack'nape, give-a this letter to
Sir Hugh; by gar, it is a shallenge: I will cut
his troat in de park; and I will teach a scurvy
jack-a-nape priest to meddle or make. You
may be gone; it is not good you tarry here.
By gar, I will cut all his two stones; by gar,
he shall not have a stone to throw at his dog.
Alas, he speaks but for his friend.
It is no matter-a ver dat: do not
you tell-a me dat I shall have Anne Page for
myself? By gar, I vill kill de Jack priest; and
I have appointed mine host of de Jarteer to
measure our weapon. By gar, I will myself
have Anne Page.
Sir, the maid loves you, and all
shall be well. We must give folks leave to
prate: what, the good-jer!
Rugby, come to the court with me.
By gar, if I have not Anne Page, I shall turn
your head out of my door. Follow my heels,
Rugby. [Exeunt Caius and Rugby.
You shall have An fool's-head of
your own. No, I know Anne's mind for that:
never a woman in Windsor knows more of
Anne's mind than I do: nor can do more than
I do with her, I thank heaven.
[Within] Who's within there? ho!
Who's there, I trow! Come near (141)
the house, I pray you.
How now, good woman! how dost
The better that it pleases your good
worship to ask.
What news? how does pretty Mistress
In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and
honest, and gentle; and one that is your
friend, I can tell you that by the way; I praise (151)
heaven for it.
Shall I do any good, thinkest thou?
shall I not lose my suit?
Troth, sir, all is in his hands
above: but notwithstanding, Master Fenton,
I'll be sworn on a book, she loves you. Have
not your worship a wart above your eye?
Yes, marry, have I; what of that?
Well, thereby hangs a tale: good
faith, it is such another Nan; but, I detest,
an honest maid as ever broke bread: we had
an hour's talk of that wart. I shall never laugh
but in that maid's company! But indeed she
is given too much to allicholy and musing:
but for you--well, go to.
Well, I shall see her to-day. Hold,
there's money for thee; let me have thy voice
in my behalf: if thou seest her before me,
Will I? i' faith, that we will; and I
will tell your worship more of the wart the
next time we have confidence; and of other
Well, farewell; I am in great haste
Farewell to your worship.
[Exit Fenton.] Truly, an honest gentleman: but
Anne loves him not; for I know Anne's mind
as well as another does. Out upon't! what (180)
have I forgot? [Exit.