[574]
in obtaining arms, clothing, etc., and above all I feel in my inmost soul how small is my ability in comparison with the gigantic dimensions of the task, and that even if I had the greatest intellect that was ever given to man, the result remains in the hands of God.1 I do not feel that I am an instrument worthy of this great task, but I do feel that I did not seek it,--it was thrust upon me; I was called to it. My previous life seems to have been unwittingly directed to this great end, and I know that God can accomplish the greatest results with the weakest instruments.
“Therein lies my hope.”
It is sickening in the extreme, and makes me feel heavy at heart, when I see the weakness and unfitness of the poor beings who control the destinies of the great country.
How I wish that God had permitted me to live quietly and unknown with you. But His will be done.2
I have not been home for some three hours, but am concealed at Stanton's to dodge all enemies in the shape of “browsing presidents.”
I have a set of men to deal with unscrupulous and false.
If possible, they will throw whatever blame there is on my shoulders, and I do not intend to be sacrificed by such people.
I shall trust that the all-wise Creator does not intend our destruction, and that in His own good time He will free the nation from men who curse it, and will restore us to His favor. . . . The people think me all-powerful.
Never was there a greater mistake.
I am thwarted and deceived by these incapables at every turn.3 I have one great comfort in all this,--that is, that I did not seek this position, as you well know; and I still trust that God will support me and bear me out. “He could not have placed me here for nothing.”
In a memorandum which he sent to the
President in August, 1861, he says:--
For the main army of operations [his own] I urge the following composition:
| 250 | Regiments of Infantry, say | 225,000 men. |
| 100 | Field Batteries, 600 Guns, | 15,000 men. |
| 28 | Regiments of Cavalry, | 25,500 men. |
| 5 | Regiments Engineer Troops, | 7,500 men. |
| | | |
| | Total | 273,000 men. |
I therefore feel that the interests of the nation demand that the ablest soldiers in the service should be on duty with the Army of the Potomac, and that contenting ourselves with remaining on the defensive for the
