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[184]
Nor mother-pangs, nor nature, can restore
The heart's delight and blossom of thy home.

And I with others, in the outer court,
Must sadly follow the excluding will,
In painful admiration, of the skill
Of God, who speaks his sweetest sentence short.


At this time she writes to her sister Annie:

I cannot yet write of what has come to me. Chev and I feel that we are baptized into a new order of suffering — those who have lost children, loving them, can never be like those who have not. It makes a new heaven and a new earth. The new heaven I have not yet — the blow is too rough and recent. But the new earth, sown with tears, with the beauty and glory gone out of it, the spring itself, that should have made us happy together, grown tasteless and almost hateful. All the relish of life seems gone with him. I have no patience to make phrases about it — for the moment it seems utterness of doubt and of loss.

No doubt about him. “This night shalt thou be with me in Paradise” was said by one who knew what he promised. My precious Baby is with the Beautiful One who was so tender with the children. But I am alone, still fighting over the dark battle of his death, still questioning whether there is any forgiveness for such a death. Something must have been wrong somewhere — to find it out, I have tortured myself almost out of sanity. Now I must only say, it is, and look and wait for divine lessons which follow our bitter afflictions.

God bless you all, darling. Ask dear Cogswell to write me a few lines — tell him that this deep cut


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Joseph Greene Cogswell (1)
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