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DICAEOPOLIS
What do they like most? MEGARIAN
Whatever is given them; but ask for yourself. DICAEOPOLIS
Speak! little sow. DAUGHTER
Wee-wee, wee-wee! DICAEOPOLIS
Can you eat chick-pease? DAUGHTER
Wee-wee, wee-wee, wee-wee! DICAEOPOLIS
And Attic figs? DAUGHTER
Wee-wee, wee-wee! DICAEOPOLIS
What sharp squeaks at the name of figs. Come, let some figs be brought for these little pigs. Will they eat them? Goodness! how they munch them, what a grinding of teeth, mighty Heracles! I believe those pigs hail from the land of the Voracians. But surely 'tis impossible they have bolted all the figs! MEGARIAN
Yes, certainly, bar this one that I took from them. DICAEOPOLIS
Ah! what funny creatures! For what sum will you sell them? MEGARIAN
I will give you one for a bunch of garlic, and the other, if you like, for a quart measure of salt. DICAEOPOLIS
I buy them of you. Wait for me here. MEGARIAN
The deal is done. Hermes, god of good traders, grant I may sell both my wife and my mother in the same way! AN INFORMER
Hi! fellow, what countryman are you? MEGARIAN
I am a pig-merchant from Megara. INFORMER
I shall denounce both your pigs and yourself as public enemies. MEGARIAN
Ah! here our troubles begin afresh! INFORMER
Let go that sack. I will punish your Megarian lingo!1 MEGARIAN
Dicaeopolis, Dicaeopolis, they want to denounce me. DICAEOPOLIS
Who dares do this thing? Inspectors, drive out the informers. Ah! you offer to enlighten us without a lamp!2 INFORMER
What! I may not denounce our enemies? DICAEOPOLIS
Have a care for yourself, if you don't go off pretty quick to denounce elsewhere. MEGARIAN
What a plague to Athens! DICAEOPOLIS
Be reassured, Megarian. Here is the price for your two swine, the garlic and the salt. Farewell and much happiness! MEGARIAN
Ah! we never have that amongst us. DICAEOPOLIS
Well! may the inopportune wish apply to myself. MEGARIAN
Farewell, dear little sows, and seek, far from your father, to munch your bread with salt, if they give you any.
Aristophanes. Acharnians. The Eleven Comedies. Anonymous. New York. Liveright. 192?.