Aristophanes, Birds
Eugene O'Neill, Jr., Ed.

Pisthetaerus
Here! look!

Euelpides
What's the matter?

Pisthetaerus
Why, the crow has been directing me [50] to something up there for some time now.

Euelpides
And the jay is also opening it beak and craning its neck to show me I know not what. Clearly, there are some birds about here. We shall soon know, if we kick up a noise to start them.

Pisthetaerus
Do you know what to do? Knock your leg against this rock.

Euelpides
[55] And you your head to double the noise.

Pisthetaerus
Well then use a stone instead; take one and hammer with it.

Euelpides
Good idea! He does so. Ho there, within! Slave! slave!

Pisthetaerus
What's that, friend! You say, “slave,” to summon Epops? It would be much better to shout, [60] “Epops, Epops!”

Euelpides
Well then, Epops! Must I knock again? Epops!

Trochilus
Rushing out of a thicket. Who's there? Who calls my master?

Pisthetaerus
In terror. Apollo the Deliverer! what an enormous beak!

He defecates. In the confusion both the jay and the crow fly away.

Trochilus
Equally frightened. Good god! they are bird-catchers.

Euelpides
Reassuring himself. But is it so terrible? Wouldn't it be better to explain things?

Trochilus
Also reassuring himself. You're done for.

Euelpides
But we are not men.

Trochilus
What are you, then?

Euelpides
Defecating also. [65] I am the Fearling, an African bird.

Trochilus
You talk nonsense.

Euelpides
Well, then, just ask it of my feet.

Trochilus
And this other one, what bird is it? To Pisthetaerus. Speak up!

Pisthetaerus
Weakly. I? I am a Crapple, from the land of the pheasants.

Euelpides
But you yourself, in the name of the gods! what animal are you?

Trochilus
[70] Why, I am a slave-bird.

Euelpides
Why, have you been conquered by a cock?

Trochilus
No, but when my master was turned into a hoopoe, he begged me to become a bird also, to follow and to serve him.

Euelpides
Does a bird need a servant, then?

Trochilus
[75] That's no doubt because he was once a man. At times he wants to eat a dish of sardines from Phalerum; I seize my dish and fly to fetch him some. Again he wants some pea-soup; I seize a ladle and a pot and run to get it.

Euelpides
This is, then, [80] truly a running-bird. Come, Trochilus, do us the kindness to call your master.

Trochilus
Why, he has just fallen asleep after a feed of myrtle-berries and a few grubs.

Euelpides
Never mind; wake him up.

Trochilus
I am certain he will be angry. However, I will wake him to please you.

He goes back into the thicket.

Pisthetaerus
As soon as Trochilus is out of sight. [85] You cursed brute! why, I am almost dead with terror!

Euelpides
Oh! my god! it was sheer fear that made me lose my jay.

Pisthetaerus
Ah! you big coward! were you so frightened that you let go your jay?

Euelpides
And did you not lose your crow, when you fell sprawling on the ground? Tell me that.