Aristophanes, Acharnians
Anonymous, Ed.

BOEOTIAN
And what will you give me in return?

DICAEOPOLIS
It will pay for your market dues. And as to the rest, what do you wish to sell me?

BOEOTIAN
Why, everything.

DICAEOPOLIS
On what terms? For ready-money or in wares from these parts?

BOEOTIAN
I would take some Athenian produce, that we have not got in Boeotia.

DICAEOPOLIS
Phaleric anchovies, pottery?

BOEOTIAN
Anchovies, pottery? But these we have. I want produce that is wanting with us and that is plentiful here.

DICAEOPOLIS
Ah! I have the very thing; take away an Informer, packed up carefully as crockery-ware.

BOEOTIAN
By the twin gods! I should earn big money, if I took one; I would exhibit him as an ape full of spite.

DICAEOPOLIS
Hah! here we have Nicarchus,¹ who comes to denounce you. f² An informer.

BOEOTIAN
How small he is!

DICAEOPOLIS
But in his case the whole is one mass of ill-nature.

NICARCHUS
Whose are these goods?

DICAEOPOLIS
Mine; they come from Boeotia, I call Zeus to witness.

NICARCHUS
I denounce them as coming from an enemy's country.

BOEOTIAN
What! you declare war against birds?

NICARCHUS
And I am going to denounce you too.

BOEOTIAN
What harm have I done you?

NICARCHUS
I will say it for the benefit of those that listen; you introduce lamp-wicks from an enemy's country.

DICAEOPOLIS
Then you go as far as denouncing a wick.

NICARCHUS
It needs but one to set an arsenal afire.

DICAEOPOLIS
A wick set an arsenal ablaze! But how, great gods?

NICARCHUS
Should a Boeotian attach it to an insect's wing, and, taking advantage of a violent north wind, throw it by means of a tube into the arsenal and the fire once get hold of the vessels, everything would soon be devoured by the flames.

DICAEOPOLIS
Ah! wretch! an insect and a wick devour everything! (HE STRIKES HIM.)

NICARCHUS
(TO THE CHORUS)
You will bear witness, that he mishandles me.

DICAEOPOLIS
Shut his mouth. Give me some hay; I am going to pack him up like a vase, that he may not get broken on the road.