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Heracles
Why, you rash fellow, will you too dare to go?

Dionysus
No more of that, but tell me
Which of the roads will bring us quickest down to Hell,
And one that's not too hot, nor yet too cold.

Heracles
Well, let me see, which shall I tell you first, which one?
There's one starting with a cord and stool,
Just hang yourself!

Dionysus
Stop—that's suffocation.

Heracles
Well here's another short well-beaten track,
The pestle and mortar route.

Dionysus
You mean hemlock!

Heracles
Exactly.

Dionysus
Too cold and wintry.
Your shins freeze off immediately.

Heracles
Well, shall I tell you of a quick and downhill path?

Dionysus
Oh yes, I'm really no great walker.

Heracles
Just slip on down to Ceramicus.

Dionysus
Then what?

Heracles
Climb up onto the top of the tower.

Dionysus
And do what?

Heracles
From there observe the torch race starting up,
And when the spectators cry “The're off!”
You go off too.

Dionysus
Go where?

Heracles
Below.

Dionysus
But then I'd lose the two dolmades of my brain!
I'd never go that way.

Heracles
How will you go?

Dionysus
The road you went.

Heracles
It's a hell of a haul.
Right off you'll come to an enormous lake,
A fathomless abyss!

Dionysus
How will I get across?

Heracles
In a little boat—just so big!—an aged mariner will take you over, and take two obols for your fare.

Dionysus
Bah, how powerful those two obols everywhere!
How'd they get there?

Heracles
Theseus introduced them.
And after this you'll see ten thousand snakes
And terrible wild beasts.

Dionysus
Don't frighten me or make me scared.
You won't turn me aside

Heracles
Then a great slough
of ever-flowing dung, and in it lie
any who ever wronged his guest,
or screwed a boy and took back the pay,
Or thrashed his mother, or smacked his father's jaw,
or swore a perjured oath,
Or copied out a speech of Morsimus.

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