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Enter ARGYRIPPUS from the house of CLEÆRETA, followed by PHILENIUM.
Why are you holding me back? PHILENIUM
Because, as I love you, I cannot bear your departing. ARGYRIPPUS
I should fare somewhat better, if you were to remain here. ARGYRIPPUS
Blessings on you. PHILENIUM
Do you wish for blessings on me, to whom you are bringing disease by your departure? ARGYRIPPUS
Your mother has bid me the last farewell1; she has requested me to go home. PHILENIUM
A bitter death will she cause her daughter, if I must part from you. LIBANUS
apart, to LEONIDA . Troth now, the man has been turned out of doors there. LEONIDA
apart . Such is the fact. ARG. Prithee, do let me go. PHILENIUM
Whither are you going now? Why don't you stay here? ARGYRIPPUS
This night, if you choose, I'll stay. LIBANUS
apart . Don't you hear him? How profuse he is of his attentions by night. But now, in the daytime, he's engaged; surely he's a Solon2 to write laws whereby the public may regulate itself. Psha! those who would be in readiness for themselves to pay obedience to his laws, would decidedly never do any good; they would be drinking night and day. LEONIDA
. apart . Troth now, for sure, he wouldn't budge a foot from her if she would let him, who is now in such haste, and is threatening that he's going away from her. LIBANUS
apart . Now make an end of your talk, that I may catch his discourse. ARGYRIPPUS
Whither are you hastening? ARGYRIPPUS
Kindly fare you well! I shall see you in the other world3. For indeed now, so soon as I can, I shall sever myself from life. PHILENIUM
Prithee, why, while I do not deserve it, do you wish to consign me to death? ARGYRIPPUS
I--you? whom, if I were to hear that you were in want of life, at once would I present you my own life, and from my own would add to yours. PHILENIUM
Why, then, do you threaten that you will quit life? For what do you suppose that I shall do, if you do that which you are talking of? I'm determined to do everything exactly the same to myself that you do to yourself. ARGYRIPPUS
O! sweeter than honey are you to me. PHILENIUM
And surely you are my life. Embrace me. ARGYRIPPUS
I do so with pleasure. They embrace. PHILENIUM
Would that thus we might be carried to the tomb. LEONIDA
apart . O Libanus, how wretched is the man that loves. LIBANUS
apart . Aye, but surely, faith, the man that's hanging up4 is much more wretched. LEONIDA
apart . I know that, who have had experience of it. Let's go round them: let's accost them, one on the one side, one on the other. One walks towards them from each side. LIBANUS
Health to you, master. But is this female, smoke, that you are embracing? ARGYRIPPUS
Why so? LIBANUS
Because your eyes are filled with tears; 'twas for that reason I asked. ARGYRIPPUS
One who would have been a protector to you, you have lost. LIBANUS
I' faith, I surely haven't lost one; for this reason, be cause I never had one. LEONIDA
Health to you, Philenium. PHILENIUM
What you desire, the Gods will give you. LIBANUS
I could desire your favours, and a cask of wine, if wishes were to come to pass. ARGYRIPPUS
Whip-knave, beware how you speak a word. LIBANUS
Why, 'tis for you, not for myself, I wish it. ARGYRIPPUS
For that reason, then, say on what you please. LIBANUS
pointing to LEONIDA . Troth, I'd like to give him a beating. LEONIDA
Who, pray, would allow you to do so, you frizzle- pated5 mountebank? Could you thrash me, you, who reckon as your daily food your own thrashings? >ARG.
How far superior, Libanus, are your lots to my own, who never will live this day until the evening. LIBANUS
For what reason, prithee? ARGYRIPPUS
pointing to PHILENIUM . Because I'm in love with her, and she's in love with me, and nowhere have I anything to bestow upon her; for that reason has her mother expelled me with all my affection from her house. The twenty minæ of silver have brought me to my end, which the young man, Diabolus, declared that he would give her this day, in order that she mightn't send her anywhere, for this whole year, except to himself. Don't you see of what force are twenty minæ of silver, or what they can effect? The man who parts with them is happy; I, who part not with them, am undone. LIBANUS
Has he already paid6 the money? ARGYRIPPUS
He hasn't paid it. LIBANUS
Be of good courage; don't be afraid. LEONIDA
to LIBANUS . Step this way, Libanus, I want you. LIBANUS
Certainly, if you want anything. Steps aside, putting his hand on the shoulder of LEONIDA. ARGYRIPPUS
I entreat of you, is it more pleasant in this same matter for you to discourse hugging one another? LIBANUS
Understand, master, that all things are not equally sweet to all persons. 'Tis pleasant for you lovers to converse, hugging one another; I care nothing for his hugging pointing to LEONIDA , and pointing to PHILENIUM she despises mine. Do you then yourself do that which you would be suggesting to us to do. ARGYRIPPUS
Indeed I will, and really with pleasure, i' faith. Placing his arm round PHILENIUM'S neck. In the meantime, if it seems good to you, do you step aside there. LEONIDA
to LIBANUS . Should you like our master to be bantered a bit? LIBANUS
He really is deserving of it. LEONIDA
Should you like me, in his presence, to make Philenium embrace me? LIBANUS
I' faith, I should like it. LEONIDA
Follow me this way They join ARGYRIPPUS. ARGYRIPPUS
Is there any escape at all? Have you conversed enough? LEONIDA
Listen, and give attention, and devour my words. First of all, that we are your slaves, we don't deny; but if twenty silver minæ are forthcoming for you, by what name will you call us? ARGYRIPPUS
And not patrons? ARGYRIPPUS
That in preference. LEONIDA
produces the bag . Here are twenty minæ in this bag. These, if you like, I'll give you. ARGYRIPPUS
May the Deities ever preserve you, protector of your master, honor to the people, treasury of resources, preserver of my inner man7, and commander of love; place it here, put down that bag, here on the spot, at once8. LEONIDA
I don't like you, who are my master, to carry this load. ARGYRIPPUS
Still, do you rid yourself of the trouble, and fasten that bag to myself. LEONIDA
I'll carry it, porter-like; you, as befits my master, go, without any burden, before me. ARGYRIPPUS
How now? Why's this? Why don't you give up the bag9 here, for your master to feel its weight? LEONIDA
Bid her to whom I'm about to give it, to beg and entreat it of me. For that's a dangerous spot where you bid me put it down at once. PHILENIUM
to LEONIDA . Apple of my eye, my rose, my life, my delight, Leonida, do give me the money, and don't sever us lovers asunder. LEONIDA
to PHILENIUM . Call me, then, your little sparrow, your chicken, your quail, your pet lamb: say that I'm your pet kid or your pet calf; take me by the ears, press your lips to my lips. ARGYRIPPUS
She, kiss you, you whip-scoundrel? LEONIDA
Really, how unbecoming it does seem! But, by the powers, you shan't get it this day, if my knees are not embraced. >ARG.
aside . Necessity compels to anything. To LEONIDA. Let them be embraced kneels down and embraces his knees : now give what I'm asking for. PHILENIUM
Come, my Leonida, prithee do bring safety to your master thus in love. Redeem yourself from him by this service, and purchase him for yourself with this money. LEONIDA
You are very pretty and amiable; and if this were mine, you should never this day ask me for it, but I would give it you: 'tis better for you to ask it of him pointing to LIBANUS , for 'twas he gave it me to keep for him. Approach him then prettily, my pretty one. Delivers the bag to LIBANUS. Take this, please, Libanus. ARGYRIPPUS
Scoundrel, are you still trifling with me? LEONIDA
I' faith, I should never have done so, if you hadn't embraced my knees so roughly. Aside to LIBANUS. Come, please, in your turn, do you at once have some sport with him, and give her an embrace. LIBANUS
aside to LEONIDA . Hold your tongue; trust me for that. ARGYRIPPUS
Why don't we accost him, Philenium? pointing to LIBANUS --really, a very worthy fellow, upon my faith, and not like this thief pointing to LEONIDA . LIBANUS
aside to LEONIDA . We must walk up and down; now, in my turn, they'll be entreating me. ARGYRIPPUS
By heaven, Libanus, I do entreat you, be pleased by your deeds to come to your master's rescue; do give me those twenty minæ: you see that thus in love I stand in need of them. LIBANUS
It shall be seen to; I wish it done; return here at nightfall. Now bid her, ever so little, to beg and entreat them of me. PHILENIUM
to LIBANUS . Do you wish me to begin with caressing, or with kissing you? LIBANUS
Why, really, with them both. PHILENIUM
And do you then, I do entreat you, prove the saving of us both. ARGYRIPPUS
O Libanus, my patron, do give me that; 'tis more becoming for the freed-man10, than for the patron, to be carrying a burden in the street. PHILENIUM
My Libanus, golden apple of my eye, the gift and the very grace of love; there's a dear, whatever you wish, I'll do; prithee, do give us that money. LIBANUS
Call me, then, your little duck, dove, or your puppet; your swallow, jackdaw, little sparrow, your mannikin: make of me the reptile that crawls, so that I may have a double tongue11; enfold me in your arms, and embrace my neck. ARGYRIPPUS
She, embrace you, villain? LIBANUS
Really, how undeserving I do seem. You shan't for no purpose have uttered a speech so unseemly against me. By my troth, if indeed you expect to get this money, this day you shall carry myself on your shoulders. ARGYRIPPUS
What? I, carry you? LIBANUS
Otherwise, you shan't get this money from me. ARGYRIPPUS
Heavens, I'm undone! Still, if indeed it is decorous for the master to carry the servant, mount. LIBANUS
In this way are proud people wont to be tamed. Stand still then, just as you were wont to do when formerly a boy12. Do you understand what I say? He prepares to get upon the shoulders of ARGYRIPPUS. Aye--so--move on: I praise you much; not any horse is there more clever than yourself as a horse. ARGYRIPPUS
while stooping . Get on, directly. LIB. I'll do so. He gets on. Hallo!--what's the matter? How are you going? By my troth, I'll deprive you of your barley then, if you don't amble13, lifting up your feet. ARGYRIPPUS
Prithee, Libanus, there's enough now. LIBANUS
Never this day, by my troth, shall you get anything by entreaty. For now up hill with the spur will I push on my steed. After that, I'll deliver you to the millers, that there you may be tortured as you run14. Stand still, that I may now at once get down for the hill, although you are but a bad one. Gets off his shoulders. ARGYRIPPUS
Well now--since you've both made fun of me just as you liked, are you going to give the money? LIBANUS
Why, yes, if, indeed, you erect to me a statue and an altar, and then sacrifice an ox to me here as though to a God; for I am the Divinity Salvation to you. LEONIDA
Nay, but, master, do you betake yourself away from him, and do you come to me. And, what he has demanded for himself, will you erect a statue for me, and offer prayers to me? ARGYRIPPUS
But what Divinity am I to call you? LEONIDA
Fortune, and that the Propitious one15. ARGYRIPPUS
You are better than he then. LIBANUS
Why, is there ever anything better for a man than Salvation? ARGYRIPPUS
Though I praise Fortune, still, not to speak in dispraise of the Divinity Salvation---- PHILENIUM
By the powers, but they are good, both of them. ARGYRIPPUS
I shall know it, when they have conferred anything that's good. LEONIDA
Wish for that which you desire to befall you. ARGYRIPPUS
What if I do wish it? LEONIDA
It shall come to pass. ARGYRIPPUS
I wish for her to be devoted to me alone this whole year round. LEONIDA
You have obtained it. ARGYRIPPUS
Do you really say so? LEONIDA
I do say so for certain. LIBANUS
Come to me, in my turn, and make trial: wish ardently for that which you especially desire to happen to you; it shall be done. ARGYRIPPUS
What other thing could I ardently wish for rather than that of which I am in want? Oblige me with twenty silver minæ to give to her mother. LIBANUS
They shall be given: take care and be of good courage, your wishes shall be fulfilled. ARGYRIPPUS
Just as they are wont, Salvation and Fortune are deceiving mortals. LEONIDA
I this day have been the head in finding this money for you. LIBANUS
I have been the foot. ARGYRIPPUS
Why, neither head nor foot of your talking is visible; I can understand neither what you mean, nor why you are trifling with me. LIBANUS
I think that now you've been teased enough; now let's disclose the matter as it really stands. Give your attention, Argyrippus, if you please. Your father has ordered us to bring this money to you. ARGYRIPPUS
How very à propos and opportunely you have brought it. LIBANUS
giving him the bag . Here, in this, there will be twenty good minæ, obtained by bad means: these, on certain conditions, he bade us give you. ARGYRIPPUS
Prithee, what are they? LIBANUS
That you would grant him her favours and an entertainment. ARGYRIPPUS
Bid him come, I beg. For him who deserves it right well, we'll do what he wishes, him who has brought these scattered loves of ours to a happy result. LEONIDA
You'll permit your father then, Argyrippus, to caress her? ARGYRIPPUS
She, by being restored to me, will easily cause me to permit it. Prithee, Leonida, run, and beg my father to come here. LIBANUS
He has been in the house some time. ARGYRIPPUS
He hasn't come this way, at all events. LIBANUS
pointing to the back way . He came round that way16 by the lane, through the garden, lest any one of his friends should see him coming here; he's afraid that his wife may come to know of it. If your mother knew about the money, how it was obtained---- ARGYRIPPUS
Well, well--do use words of good omens17; go in-doors quickly, farewell. LEONIDA
And you two, love on. He and LIBANUS go into the house of DEMÆNETUS; ARGYRIPPUS and PHILENIUM into that of CLEÆRETA.
1 Bid me the last farewell: The word "vale," "farewell," is here understood, and reference is made, figuratively, to the usage of exclaiming "vale" when fire was set to the funeral pile. In saying that she bade him go home he refers to the expression with which the ceremony concluded, "ilicet," "you may go away," or "you may go home."
3 In the other world: "Apud Orcum." Orcus was a name of the Shades below, and was also an epithet of the God Pluto.
4 The man that's hanging up: He alludes to the punishment of the thieves, which has been before referred to.
5 You frizzle-pated: "Calamistrate" means dressed with the 'calamistrum," "a crisping-pin," or iron tube with which the hair was curled.
6 Has he already paid: "Jam dedit argentum?" This is curiously rendered by Gueudeville, "Ce Monsieur le Diable a-t-il d£ejà donn£e son argent?" which, literally translated, is, "Has this Mister Devil already paid his money?" He appears to have taken a rather unwarranted liberty in translating the name "Diabolus" by the term "le Diable"--neither more nor less than the French name of his Satanic Majesty
7 Of my inner man: "Interioris corporis." Literally, "of my inner body." This is a periphrasis signifying life, the seat of which, the vital parts, are within the body.
8 On the spot, at once: "In loco plane." These words seem to imply not in a hanging position, but clean or pat upon the ground. Warner, however, renders the passage, "Tye the bag around my neck." It was probably the intention of Argyrippus to take it after Leonida had fairly put it down.
9 Give up the bag: "Crumenam" seems a better reading than crumena, which Richter adopts.
10 For the freed-man: By "libertus," or "freed-man," he means himself, while Libanus is his "patronus," or "patron."
11 A double tongue: An unseemly allusion s intended in this expression.
12 When formerly a boy: "Honi soit qui mal y pense" should be said to Lambinus and the other Commentators who have imagined an indelicate allusion to be couched under these words. He clearly alludes to the boyish game of leapfrog, at which they had in childhood been accustomed "to make a back."
14 Tortured as you run: He alludes to the occupation of asses and worn-out horses in grinding at the corn-mill.
16 Came round that way: Well he might!
17 Use words of good omen: "Benedicite." This was a form made use of for the purpose of averting bad omens.
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