Aristophanes, Knights
Eugene O'Neill, Jr., Ed.

Sausage-Seller
The story is worth hearing. Listen! [625] From here I rushed straight to the Senate, right in the track of this man; he was already letting loose the storm, unchaining the lightning, crushing the Knights beneath huge mountains of calumnies heaped together and having all the air of truth; [630] he called you conspirators and his lies caught root like weeds in every mind; dark were the looks on every side and brows were knitted. When I saw that the Senate listened to him favorably and was being tricked by his imposture I said to myself, “Come, gods of rascals and braggarts, [635] gods of all fools, and toad-eaters, and thou too, oh market-place, wherein I was bred from my earliest days, give me unbridled audacity, an untiring chatter and a shameless voice.” No sooner had I ended this prayer than a pederast farted on my right. “ [640] Hah! a good omen,” said I, and prostrated myself; then I burst open the door by a vigorous push with my arse, and, opening my mouth to the utmost, shouted, “Senators, I wanted you to be the first to hear the good news; since the war broke out, [645] I have never seen anchovies at a lower price!” All faces brightened at once and I was voted a chaplet for my good tidings; and I added, “With a couple of words I will reveal to you how you can have quantities of anchovies for an obol; [650] all you have to do is to seize on all the dishes the merchants have.” With mouths gaping with admiration, they applauded me. However, the Paphlagonian winded the matter and, well knowing the sort of language which pleases the Senate best, said, “Friends, I am resolved [655] to offer one hundred oxen to the goddess in recognition of this happy event.” The Senate at once veered to his side.