[336] examination of my past life, I find very much, even in what I have regarded as my best actions, deeply to deplore; but especially do I find occasion for shame and self-loathing and deep humiliation before God and man, when I see in what multiplied instances the ruling motive of my conduct has been a desire to please men, for the sake of their good opinion. In seeking the promotion of good objects, I have often acted with this in view; but I feel bound in duty to say to you, sir, that to gain the good — will of man was the only object I had in view, in everything which I did relative to certain writings called ‘Clerical Appeal.’ I cannot say that I was conscious at the time, certainly not as fully as I am now, that this was the motive by which I was actuated; but as I now look back upon it, in the light in which it has of late been spread before my own mind, as I doubt not by the Spirit of God, I can clearly see that, in all that matter, I had no true regard for the glory of God or the good of man. I can see nothing better in it than a selfish and most wicked desire to gain thereby the good opinion of such men as I supposed would be pleased by such movements; while I can clearly see that I did not consult the will of God or the good of my fellow-men, in the least, and did indulge toward yourself and others, and toward principles which I now see to be according to truth, feelings which both my conscience and my heart now condemn, which I know a holy God never can approve, and which I rejoice to think He never will approve. I send you this communication because my conscience and my heart lead me to do it; because I think the truth and the Spirit of God approve it, and influence me to do it; and not because I expect or wish thereby to secure the applause of man, or even to regain any good — will of man which I may have lost by actions which I now wholly disapprove. I trust I have learned higher principles of action; at least, I know I must learn them, or be in fearful circumstances in that day when ‘every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit must be hewn down and cast into the fire.’ The acknowledgment which I now make, I expect to approve when I appear before God with my final account; and this is reason enough to induce me to make it. I believe it is according to the will of God, and that will I fully approve. You are at liberty, sir, to do with it what you please. If God can be honored and good done thereby, I would like that the confession I make be as public as the sin I committed. I
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