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X.
“We will turn you in loose here,” proved an “open sesame” to me during the subsequent months of my occupation at the
White House.
My access to the official chamber was made nearly as free as that of the
private secretaries, unless special business was being transacted.
Sometimes a stranger, approaching the
President with a low tone, would turn an inquiring eye toward the place where I sat, absorbed frequently in a pencil sketch of some object in the room.
This would be met by the hearty tones of
Mr. Lincoln,--I can hear them yet ringing in my ears,--“Oh, you need not mind him; he is but a painter.”
There was a satisfaction to me, differing from that of any other experience, in simply sitting with him. Absorbed in his papers, he would become unconscious of my presence, while I intently studied every line and shade of expression in that furrowed face.
In repose, it was the saddest face I ever knew.
There were days when I could scarcely look into it without crying.
During the first week of the battles of the
Wilderness he scarcely slept at all. Passing through the main hall of the domestic apartment on one of these days, I met him, clad in a long morning wrapper, pacing back and forth a narrow passage leading to one of the windows, his hands behind him, great black rings under his eyes, his head bent forward upon his breast,--altogether
