Francis B. Carpenter, Six Months at the White House

“ [241] cape and approach the place from the south side, which would be a long and difficult journey. I thereupon asked him if he had ever tried to find a landing, and he replied that he had not. ‘Now,’ said I, ‘Admiral, that reminds me of a chap out West who had studied law, but had never tried a case. Being sued, and not having confidence in his ability to manage his own case, he employed a fellow-lawyer to manage it for him. He had only a confused idea of the meaning of law terms, but was anxious to make a display of learning, and on the trial constantly made suggestions to his lawyer, who paid no attention to him. At last, fearing that his lawyer was not handling the opposing counsel very well, he lost all patience, and springing to his feet cried out, “Why don't you go at him with a capias, or a surre-butter, or something, and not stand there like a confounded old nudum-pactum?” ’ ”

An officer of the Government called one day at the White House, and introduced a clerical friend. “Mr. President,” said he, “allow me to present to you my friend, the Rev. Mr. F., of--. Mr. F. has expressed a desire to see you and have some conversation with you, and I am happy to be the means of introducing him.” The President shook hands with Mr. F., and desiring him to be seated took a seat himself. Then, his countenance having assumed an air of patient waiting, he said: “I am now ready to hear what you have to say.” “Oh, bless you, sir,” said Mr. F., “I have nothing ”