[
3]
To all these
matters, therefore, a man should give heed. And it is fitting that he should
approach his wife in honorable wise, full of self-restraint and awe; and in his
conversation with her, should use only the words of a right-minded man,
suggesting only such acts as are themselves lawful and honorable; treating her
with much self-restraint and trust,
1 and passing over any trivial or unintentional errors she
has committed. And if through ignorance she has done wrong, he should advise her
of it without threatening, in a courteous and modest manner. Indifference
<to her faults> and harsh reproof <of them>, he must
alike avoid. Between a courtesan and her lover, such tempers are allowed their
course;
[120]
between a free woman and
her lawful spouse there should be a reverent and modest mingling of love and
fear. For of fear there are two kinds. The fear which virtuous and honorable
sons feel towards their fathers, and loyal citizens towards right-minded rulers,
has for its companions reverence and modesty; but the other kind, felt by slaves
for masters and by subjects for despots who treat them with injustice and wrong,
is associated with hostility and hatred.
By
choosing the better of all these alternatives a husband should secure the
agreement, loyalty, and devotion of his wife, so that whether he himself is
present or not, there may be no difference in her attitude towards him, since
she realizes that they are alike guardians of the common interests; and so when
he is away she may feel that to her no man is kinder
[130]
or more virtuous or more truly hers than her own
husband.And <a good
wife> will make this manifest from the beginning by her unfailing regard
for the common welfare, novice though she be in such matters. And if the husband
learns first to master himself, he will thereby become his wife's best guide in
all the affairs of life, and will teach her to follow his example. For Homer
pays no honor either to affection or to fear apart from the shame or modesty
that shrinks from evil. Everywhere he bids affection be coupled with
self-control and shame; whilst the fear he commends is such as Helen owns when
she thus addresses Priam: "Beloved sire of my lord, it is fitting that I fear
thee and dread thee and revere"
2; meaning that her love for him is mingled with fear and
modest shame. And again, Ulysses speaks to Nausicaa in this manner:
[140]
"Thou, lady, dost fill me with wonder and
with fear."
3 For Homer believes that this is the feeling of a
<good> husband and wife for one another, and that if they so feel,
it will be well with them both. For none ever loves or admires or fears in this
shamefaced way one of baser character; but such are the feelings towards one
another of nobler souls and those by nature good; or of the inferior toward
those they know to be their betters. Feeling thus toward Penelope, Ulysses
remained faithful to her in his wanderings; whereas Agamemnon did wrong to his
wife for the sake of Chryseis, declaring in open assembly that a base captive
woman, and of alien race besides, was in no wise inferior to Clytemnestra in
womanly excellence.
4
[150]
This was ill spoken of the mother of his children; nor
was his connection with the other a righteous one. How could it be, when he had
but recently compelled her to be his concubine, and before he had any experience
of her behavior to him? Ulysses on the other hand, when the daughter of
Atlas
5 besought him to share her bed and board, and
promised him immortality and everlasting happiness, could not bring himself even
for the sake of immortality to betray the kindness and love and loyalty of his
wife, deeming immortality purchased by unrighteousness to be the worst of all
punishments.
6 For it was only to save his comrades that he
yielded his person to Circe; and in answer to her he even declared that in his
eyes nothing could be more lovely than his native isle, rugged though it
were;
[160]
and prayed that he might die,
if only he might look upon his mortal wife and son.
7 So firmly did
he keep troth with his wife; and received in return from her the like
loyalty.
8