The Daily Dispatch: March 28, 1865., [Electronic resource]

The London Times says that the United States, if re-united, will certainly go to war with England, if they can; "but both North and South are exhausted, and are not likely to find success easy by turning against a new foe, with untouched strength and resources." This is cool and comfortable. It is a pleasant and satisfactory way of putting the case from an English point of view. We admire the sagacity of John Bull more and more every day. He is so "dreadful smart" that we are really sorry we ever parted company with him in '76. A Government that knows so well how to take care of itself, might have taken care of its colonies a good deal better than they have taken care of themselves. A few years ago, and we were growing at such a tremendous rate that we bade fair to push Mr. John Bull from this planet. With what unfathomable climbing and inexhaustible perseverance he got as into a fight with each other, and with what inimitable adroitness has he helped each to cut the other's throat, maintaining himself all the while a most rigid neutrality. "Oh, it's a dreadful business, young gentlemen, an awful business," quoth old John, standing behind his counter, and rubbing his eyes with one hand and taking down revolvers and bowie knives with the other, to sell to the two belligerents; "my heart bleeds over it, and I wish you could be persuaded to stop it, and let it go no farther, but, if you must fight, my beloved children, here are the goods, and better articles you won't find anywhere, and one man's money is as good as another at this ship." And now, when the two combatants, set by the ears by this sagacious old gentleman, are lying, panting and bleeding, on the ground, and threats are heard that, having discovered the author of their woes, they both intend to hold him accountable, he regards them with great composure and profound coolness, and informs them that he really thinks them "both" too much "exhausted " to attempt such an enterprise upon a vigorous old gentleman like himself, who, by prudently keeping out of their broils, has the somewhat valuable advantage of " untouched strength and resources."

There's no use in blazing up and calling him names, and threatening blood and thunder. We may as well confess the corn. The old gentleman has been too "smart" for us, and we are mere children in his hands. Wonder what he would charge to take us back into his family, and educate us until we arrive at years of discretion.