Snubbing Analyzed.
--The immediate effect of a snub is to induce a feeling of deprivation and exposure.
Its physical sensation is like the sudden loss of a garment, and the consequent rush of cold; and we do, in fact, lose, in the surprise, the snug covering of our usual self-respect.
We are dependent creatures.
We are apt, on the instant of others not respecting us, to feel ourselves not respectable, small, inferior, incompetent, unable to hold our own; and hence the main annoyance.--That which predominates in a snub is the pressing difficulty of how to take it. We are caught unawares without our weapons.
There are assaults and aggressions of a nature to arouse our courage and to quicken our powers, which call for and suggest an answer, which may be resented on the spot without injury to our dignity; but this is not one of them.
All that can be done generally under a snub — all, at least, that we actually do — is to pull up suddenly with an inner blank sense of tingling, a doubt as to where we are, a confused feeling of having the worst of it, which our instinct teaches us to keep to ourselves as much as possible; for it must be noted that a snub is, of necessity, a sudden blow, given when we are at a disadvantage, careless, and at case in the security of social intercourse.
Social intercourse takes sympathy for granted.
It assumes one general genial sentiment, a disposition to follow a lead, to pursue objects in the spirit in which they are started.
A snub is a check, a blank, it is a curtain suddenly drawn down, it is pulling up against a dead wall, it is cold obstruction and recoil.
Either the snubber has authority on his side, and we have laid ourselves open by some inadvertence, by a misplaced trust in his condescension — and we have seen parents painfully snub their children in this sort, first allowing them liberties, then stopping them with a harsh check in mid-career of spirits, and this in the presence of strangers,--or, perhaps, we have given way to enthusiasm, and are met by ridicule; or we have made a confidence which we think tender, and it is received with indifference; or we tell a story, and are asked for the point of it; or we are given to understand that we are mistaken where we have assumed ourselves well informed; or our taste is coolly set at naught; or we talk and are reminded that we are prosy; or we are brought face to face with our ignorance in a way to make us feel it most keenly.
The strength of a snub lies in the sudden apprehension that we have committed ourselves, and a consequent painful sense of insignificance,--that there is somebody quite close to us, regardless of our feelings, looking down on us, and ostentatiously unsympathizing.
