[96]
I am therefore compelled to say that which I would not say if I were not
compelled. (For I have never said anything at all in the way of extolling
myself for the sake of gaining praise, but only with a view to repel an
accusation.) I say, therefore, and I say it with the loudest voice I can
command, when the inflamed violence of all the profligate citizens and
conspirators, a tribune of the people being the leader, the consuls being
their instigators, the senate being beaten down, the Roman knights being
terrified, the whole city being in suspense and anxiety, was making an
attack, not so much on me as, through me, on all good men—I say
that I then saw that if I conquered, there would be but little of the
republic left, and if I were conquered, none at all. And when I had decided
that this would be the case, I lamented indeed my separation from my unhappy
wife, the desolate state of my most beloved children, the distress of my
most affectionate and excellent brother, who was away, and the sudden ruin
of a family which had seemed so thoroughly established; but still I
preferred to all these considerations the safety of my fellow-citizens, and
I preferred that the republic should rather fall, if fall it must through
the departure of one man, than through the slaughter of every one. I hoped
(as indeed happened) that I, though overthrown, might be raised again by
gallant men who were still alive; but I expected that if I perished,
involving all virtuous men in my fall, I could not by any possibility be
recovered.
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