George Meade, The Life and Letters of George Gordon Meade, Major-General United States Army
George Gordon Meade, Ed.

——said to me the other evening, that if I wanted an order to go home I could get it, though he declined informing me how he had obtained the knowledge of the fact. I told him I had no desire to leave, as long as affairs were in their present condition, and that I was determined to see the thing out at every sacrifice except that of health, and unless I got sick I should remain here until the matter was settled or I was relieved from Washington by another officer being sent. My opinion is that he had no ground for his assertion, because I know General Taylor has said positively he would order no one out. I merely tell you this as a piece of news relating to myself. I am sure you would not have me leave, under existing circumstances.

I was touched to tears with dear Sargie's¹ remembrance of me in his dream. Bless his heart! his image is ever before me, and no language can express the longing desire I have to be with you all. God knows what a struggle it is to deny myself any chance of obtaining so heavenly a gratification, and that there is nothing I would not yield but my honor and reputation, both of which would suffer were I to leave now; for I would only be permitted to retire on the ground that unwilling hearts are turned out of the ranks just before a battle. That is, if I did not want to stay, I had better be away; a conclusion I am sure you would deprecate as much as myself. And what an inheritance to leave my noble boys, that their father left the army just on the point of meeting an enemy! And suppose an action was had, with what face could I answer, when asked if I was there, ‘No, I left the army a day or two before it occurred.’ ‘Did you know it was probable?’ ‘Oh, yes, but I was anxious to see my wife and children, and embraced the first opportunity to get away.’ Oh, no, this would never do! You would blush as well as myself! I do not mean by this to say I think a collision certain, yet it is possible. Outraged Mexico may yet determine to declare war, in which case of course we should have a battle. But from all that has happened, and their distracted state at the City of Mexico, I do not anticipate any such event, and only allude to its possibility, as one excuse for not accepting ——'s offer to get me ordered away. I have no idea upon what he grounded his authority; but he gratified me very much by saying General Taylor had spoken kindly of me.

We have most delightful weather now. The summer weather has commenced, clear days and nights, with steady sea-breezes. The