SCENE II
A prison.Enter DOGBERRY, VERGES, and Sexton, in gowns; and the Watch, with CONRADE and BORACHIO.
Dog.
Is our whole dissembly appeared?
Verg.
O, a stool and a cushion for the sexton.
Sex.
Which be the malefactors?
Dog.
Marry, that am I and my partner.
Verg.
Nay, that's certain; we have the exhibition
to examine.
Sex.
But which are the offenders that are
to be examined? let them come before master
constable.
Dog.
Yea, marry, let them come before (11)
me. What is your name, friend?
Bora.
Borachio.
Dog.
Pray, write down, Borachio. Yours,
sirrah?
Con.
I am a gentleman, sir, and my name
is Conrade.
Dog.
Write down, master gentleman Conrade.
Masters, do you serve God?
Con. Bora.
Yea, sir, we hope. Dog.
Write down, that they hope they
serve God: and write God first; for God defend
but God should go before such villains!
Masters, it is proved already that you are little
better than false knaves; and it will go near to
be thought so shortly. How answer you for
yourselves ?
Con.
Marry, sir, we say we are none.
Dog.
A marvellous witty fellow, I assure
you: but I will go about with him. Come you
hither, sirrah; a word in your ear: sir, I say
to you, it is thought you are false knaves.
Bora.
Sir, I say to you we are none.
Dog.
Well, stand aside. 'Fore God, they
are both in a tale. Have you writ down, that
they are none?
Sex.
Master constable, you go not the way
to examine: you must call forth the watch
that are their accusers.
Dog.
Yea, marry, that's the eftest way. Let
the watch come forth. Masters, I charge you, (40)
in the prince's name, accuse these men.
First Watch.
This man said, sir, that Don
John, the prince's brother, was a villain.
Dog.
Write down Prince John a villain.
Why, this is flat perjury, to call a prince's
brother villain.
Bora.
Master constable,—
Dog.
Pray thee, fellow, peace: I do not
like thy look, I promise thee.
Sex.
What heard you him say else?
Sec. Watch.
Marry, that he had received
thousand ducats of Don John for accusing the (51)
Lady Hero wrongfully.
Dog.
Flat burglary as ever was committed.
Verg.
Yea, by mass, that it is.
Sex.
What else, fellow?
First Watch.
And that Count Claudio did
mean, upon his words, to disgrace Hero before
the whole assembly, and not marry her.
Dog.
O villain! thou wilt be condemned
into everlasting redemption for this.
Sex.
What else?
Watch.
This is all.
Sex.
And this is more, masters, than you
can deny. Prince John is this morning secretly
stolen away; Hero was in this manner accused,
in this very manner refused, and upon
the grief of this suddenly died. Master constable,
let these men be bound, and brought to
Leonato's: I will go before and show him
their examination.
Dog.
Come, let them be opinioned. (70)
Verg.
Let them be in the hands—
Con.
Off, coxcomb!
Dog.
God's my life, where's the sexton?
let him write down the prince's officer coxcomb.
Come, bind them. Thou naughty varlet!
Con.
Away! you are an ass, you are an ass.
Dog.
Dost thou not suspect my place? dost
thou not suspect my years? O that he were
here to write me down an ass! But, masters,
remember that I am an ass; though it be not
written down, yet forget not that I am an ass.
No, thou villain, thou art full of piety, as shall
be proved upon thee by good witness. I am a
wise fellow, and, which is more, an officer, and,
which is more, a householder, and, which is
more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in
Messina, and one that knows the law, go to;
and a rich fellow enough, go to; and a fellow
that hath had losses, and one that hath two
gowns and every thing handsome about him.
Bring him away. O that I had been writ down (90)
an ass! [Exeunt.
