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Enter EYTUCHUS, from the house of LYSIMACHUS.
EUTYCHUS
as he comes out, to CHARINUS, within . I'll go to my father, that he may know my mother's wrath is appeased. I'll return just now. LYSIMACHUS
to DEMIPHO . The beginning pleases me. Going up to EUTYCHUS. What are you about? How goes it, Eutychus? EUTYCHUS
Extremely opportunely have you both met me. LYSIMACHUS
What's the matter? EUTYCHUS
Your wife is peaceful and appeased. Give me your right hands this moment. Shakes hands with them both. LYSIMACHUS
The Gods are favouring me. EUTYCHUS
to DEMIPHO . I bring you word that you have got no mistress. DEMIPHO
The Gods confound you. Why, prithee, what affair is this? EUTYCHUS
I'll tell you. Give your attention then, both of you. LYSIMACHUS
Well then, we are giving you our attention, both of us. EUTYCHUS
Those who are born of a good family, if they are of bad tendencies, by their own faultiness withdraw nobleness from their rank, and disgrace their disposition. DEMIPHO
He says what's true. LYSIMACHUS
Then it's to yourself he says it. EUTYCHUS
For this reason is this the more true; for at this time of life, it wasn't just for you to take away from your son, a young man, his mistress, purchased with his own money. DEMIPHO
How say you? Is she the mistress of Charinus? EUTYCHUS
aside . How the rogue does dissemble. DEMIPHO
Why, he said that he had bought her as a maidservant for his mother. EUTYCHUS
Was it for that reason, then, you bought her, you young lover, you old boy? LYSIMACHUS
Very well said, i' troth! Proceed, proceed. I'll stand by him here on the other side. Let's both load him well with such speeches as he's worthy of. DEMIPHO
aside . I'm done for. EUT. Who has done an injustice so great to his blameless son; whom, in fact, upon my faith, I brought back home just when he was setting out in self-banishment; for he was going into exile. DEMIPHO
Has he gone then? LYSIMACHUS
What, do you speak, you hobgoblin? At this time of life you ought to abstain from those pursuits. DEMIPHO
I confess it; undoubtedly I've acted wrong. EUTYCHUS
What, do you speak, you hobgoblin? You ought at this time of life to have done with these guilty practices. Just as the seasons of the year, so different lines of conduct befit different ages; but if this is proper, that old fellows should be wenching in their old age, where in the world is our common welfare? DEMIPHO
Alas! wretch that I am! I'm undone. EUTYCHUS
The young men are more in the habit of giving their attention to following those pursuits. DEMIPHO
Troth, now, prithee, do take her to yourselves, with pigs and with basket1. EUTYCHUS
Restore her to your son; let him have her, now, as he wishes. DEMIPHO
So far as I'm concerned, he may have her. EUTYCHUS
High time, i' faith, since you haven't the power of doing otherwise. DEMIPHO
For this injury let him take what satisfaction he likes; only do you make peace, I beg of you, that he mayn't be angry with me. I' faith, if I had known it, or if, indeed, he had told me in the slightest way of joke that he was in love with her, I should never have proceeded to take her away from him so in love. Enitychus, you are his companion, preserve and rescue me, I beg of you. Make this old fellow your client. You shall say that I'm mindful of a kindness. LYSIMACHUS
Entreat him that he'll pardon his offences and his youthful age2. DEMIPHO
Heyday now, are you still persisting in inveighing against me with your airs? I trust that a like opportunity will befall me as well for returning you a similar compliment. LYSIMACHUS
I've long made an end of those pursuits. DEMIPHO
And really so shall I from this time forward. LYSIMACHUS
Not a bit of it. Through usage your inclinations will be leading you to it again. DEMIPHO
Prithee, do now be satisfied. Rather, scourge me with thongs even, if you like. LYSIMACHUS
You say right. But that your wife will do, when she comes to know of this. DEMIPHO
There's no need for her to come to know of it. EUTYCHUS
What's that? She shan't come to know of it; don't be afraid. Let's go in-doors; this place isn't a suitable one for your practices, for there to be persons to overhear who are passing through the street, while we are talking. DEMIPHO
Why, faith, you say what's right; that way the story will be shorter. Let's be off EUTYCHUS
Your son is in-doors here at our house. DEMIPHO
It's very good. We'll pass that way through the garden3 home. LYSIMACHUS
Eutychus, I want this affair to be settled before I set my foot again within doors. EUTYCHUS
What is it? LYSIMACHUS
Each person thinks about his own concerns. Answer me this: do you know for certain that your mother isn't angry with me? EUTYCHUS
I do know it. LYSIMACHUS
Take care. EUTYCHUS
Trust me for it. Are you satisfied? LYSIMACHUS
I am. But still, troth now, prithee, do take care. EUTYCHUS
Don't you believe me? LYSIMACHUS
Yes, I do believe you; but still I'm dreadfully afraid. DEMIPHO
Let's go in-doors. EUTYCHUS
Aye, but I think we must pronounce. the law for the old men before we depart, on what terms they are to keep check upon themselves and to be continent. Whoever shall be sixty years of age, if we know of any one, whether husband or, i' faith, whether bachelor, in fact, who goes a wenching, upon these terms shall we deal with him; we shall deem him a fool. And, i' faith, so far as we're concerned, he shall be in want who has squandered away his property. And let no one hereafter forbid his youthful son to be in love and to keep a mistress, so it be done in a decent manner. If he shall forbid him, let him, unknown to himself, suffer more loss than if he had openly permitted him. Let this law, then, from this night forward, be binding upon the old men. To the AUDIENCE. Young men, kindly fare you well; and if this law, enacted for the sake of the old ones, pleases you, it is right that you should give us loud applause.
1 With pigs and with basket: "Cum porcis, cum piscinâ." This was probably a countrified expression, analogous to our phrases "with bag and baggage," "stump and rump."
2 And his youthful age: Of course this is said in a tone of keen and well-merited satire.
3 Through the garden: He means that he will be able to go home the back way, so that perhaps his wife may not see whence lie has come. This line shows that the houses of Lysimachus and Demipho are on the same side of the street, and not, as Cotter says, one on one side, the other on the other, with their doors opposite.--It may be here remarked, that it is not improbable that a considerable portion of this Play has perished.
The Comedies of Plautus. Henry Thomas Riley. London. G. Bell and Sons. 1912.
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