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[78]
In a moment Stichus had fetched a white
windingsheet and dress into the dining-room and . . . [Trimalchio] asked us to feel
whether they were made of good wool. Then he gave a little laugh and said,
“Mind neither mouse nor moth corrupts them, Stichus; otherwise I will burn
you alive. I want to be carried out in splendour, so that the whole crowd calls
down blessings on me.” He immediately opened a flask and anointed us all
and said, “I hope I shall like this as well in the grave as I do on
earth.” Besides this he ordered wine to be poured into a bowl, and
said,“Now you must imagine you have been asked to my funeral.”
The thing was becoming perfectly sickening, when Trimalchio, now deep in the most
vile drunkenness, had a new set of performers, some trumpeters, brought into the
dining-room, propped himself on a heap of cushions, and stretched himself on his
death-bed, saying, “Imagine that I am dead. Play something pretty.” The
trumpeters broke into a loud funeral march. One man especially, a slave of the
undertaker who was the most decent man in the party, blew such a mighty blast that
the whole neighbourhood was[p. 157] roused. The watch,1 who were
patrolling the streets close by, thought Trimalchio's house was alight, and suddenly
burst in the door and began with water and axes to do their duty in creating a
disturbance. My friends and I seized this most welcome opportunity, outwitted
Agamemnon, and took to our heels as quickly as if there were a real fire.
1 Either a municipal or a private brigade of firemen or watchmen.
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