19.
[42]
When I saw all this (for there was no secret about it), that the senate,
without which the constitution could not stand, was entirely
abolished out of the city; that the consuls whose duty it was to be the
leaders of the public counsels, had so managed matters that by their means
the great public council was entirely destroyed; that those men who had the
greatest influence were held up to every assembly, (falsely indeed, but
still in a way calculated to strike my friends with great fear,) as the
great approvers of my ruin; that assemblies were held every day in
opposition to me; that no one ever uttered a word in defence of me or of the
republic that the standards of the legions were believed to be unfurled
against your lives and properties, (falsely indeed, but still they were
believed to be so,) that the veteran troops of the conspirators, and that
ill-omened army of Catiline, once routed and defeated, was now recruited
under a new leader and under the existing unexpected chances of
circumstances;—when I saw all these things, what was I to do, O
judges?
[43]
For I know well that at that time
it was not your zeal that was wanting to me, but more nearly my energy that
was wanting to second your zeal. Was I, a private individual, to struggle in
arms against a tribune of the people? No doubt the good would have defeated
the wicked, the brave would have defeated the inactive; he would have been
slain who could by no other remedy be prevented from being the ruin of the
republic. What would have happened next? What would have become of the
remains of his party? What would have been the end? Was there any doubt that
the blood of the tribune especially when not shed in consequence of any
public resolution would have had the consuls for its avengers? especially
when we recollect that that fellow had said in the public assembly that I
must either perish once or be victorious twice. What was the meaning of my
having to conquer twice? Why no doubt that after I had struggled against
that most senseless tribune of the people, I should have to struggle with
the consuls and with all those who would avenge him. But for
myself,—
[44]
if I alone was to
have perished, and if that incurable and deadly wound would not also have
been inevitably inflicted on the republic, with which he threatened
it—I should have preferred at that time, O judges, to perish once
rather than conquer twice. For that second struggle would have been such,
that whether we were conquered or conquerors, we should have been alike
unable to preserve the republic. What would have happened if
in the first struggle, being overcome by the violence of the tribune, I had
fallen in the forum, with many virtuous citizens? The consuls, I imagine,
would have convened the senate, which they had already expunged from the
state; they would summon men to arms who had decided that the republic
should not be upheld, no not even by a change of garments; they would, no
doubt, have been sure to revolt from the tribune of the people after my
death, who had intended the same hour to be that of my ruin and of their own
reward!
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